2day went to my sat meditation class. went earlier 2 help clean up the place. the cat that lives there finally know me le! yeah! it walk 2wards me when it saw me today and aloow me 2 pat it and it even play with me! yahoo! went sign up for chun hui's shi fu's de flowering class. will learn how 2 arrange flowers in due time. went home and well, yea...

yea. everything seems 2 be my fault. i'm under a lot of unknown pressure. sure, u might say that i'm self-pitying myself. maybe i am. but i'm seriously living in a lot a lot of pain. really very very hurt. so much so that i can't stop crying. i scold someone else under instruction, my fault. your health, my fault. all the arrows directed at me. i know u love me and yes! i love u loads! but can u pls spare a thought for me! y would i want u to go see the doc? cos i want u healthy and well! do u noe how much i worry bout u? i dun show it. but inside, the worry-ness is killing me!!! so much so that i even took a vow to suffer your pain for u as long as u can be well! i noe, its not right for me 2 take your pain on your behalf cos its your karma, and that if i were to fall ill you'll be worried and then it'll be my fault. but i can't help it! 2 see u grow weaker and weaker day by day! do u noe how much it hurts me?! yet, u simply push the blame for your illness on me! i noe, i'm partly at fault! but shouldn't u take a look at yourself too?! a few days running, a few days in a row. i can't take so much. everyday i see u, i feel as if u hate me to the core. like i'm 1 irritant in your life. u dun even wanna tok 2 me. all i can say its i'm really extremely hurt. u took another's words over mine and scold me over things that i've done right. u never noticed the 'victory' look on the other's face haf u. been tricked again and again. once a heart has been broken, its difficult 2 mend it back. real difficult.

sometimes, i wish that i can end this pain. thou i noe i can't. cos its wat i haf 2 go thru.

dun be surprise if i were to fall one day. thou i'm hurt, i'll still take your sufferings on your behalf. i still wanna let u noe that i still love u thou my heart is broken. i still dun wan 2 see u in so much pain. pls stand in a daughter's point of view and take a look at things. u haf been a daughter b4. i hope you'll understand.

finally, i apologise for whatever wrong doings i've done. i seek forgiveness. i'm sorry.