i feel tat i am gonna lose some frens soon... its all juz bcos of 1 stupid thing and i think i am really really damm stupid! i juz hate myself so damm much la! haiz... ppl... u all dunno any1 by the name of han ping... JUZ TREAT AS IF SHE DUN EXIST! JUZ IGNORE HER!!! SHE IS NOT A HUMAN!!! EVEN IF SHE IS SHE HAS NO HEART! SO SHE WUN GET HURT! SHE HAF NO TEARS! SO SHE WUN CRY! NO!!!! SHE DUN HAF ANY OF THOSE MENTIONED SO JUZ GO AND HURT HER AND HACK CARE HER! JUZ HURT HER ALL U WAN AND SHE WUN BE HURT! SHE WUN CRY COS SHE HAS NO MORE FEELINGS COS SHE IS NOT A HUMAN!!! am i so damm right in saying that man! haiz... dunno wat is going on le... ppl can juz be so damm stupid...

haiz... i guess i muz really be stupid sia... i am doing 1 thing when my heart is telling me 2 do another... i mean, there is no need 4 me to do wat i am doing now mahz... budden... its juz tat... i can't help it!!! it oso hurt me 2 2 get away from u... but it oso hurts me 2 get near 2 u.. i really dunno wat 2 do but 2 get away 1st bahz.. haiz... stupid stupid me... :(

i juz realised tat i am quite stupid 2day.. my stupid actions... -_-''' yep.. i did receive many advices... budden... all of u give me different sort of advices!!! which 1 should i take? wat if i regret? i mean... its so rare 2 haf such strong bond? and then 2 lose it juz like tat? i dun wanna regret later in life... shit la! i am trembling so hard as i am typing... there is juz 2 many things in my heart le... till i really very very tired and i really feel like juz letting everything out but i juz can't cry out in my house right? dun wan my family members 2 worry... so many occassions i wanna cry but kept holding back le... i really dun think i can take any longer... sooner or later i will go all mad and i worry tat i might juz let it out of any1... is like... term test coming, i stressed, tired, sad and so many more? then term break oso= no term break.. 3days of FC lab, then community service, then damm a lot of projects 2 finish during the 2nd week of term break la... i dun think i will haf any break la... i really dun wanna 2 be so sad and quiet anymore... i wanna be back 2 my bubbly self... budden its juz seem so hard.. i wanna let everything out!!! but when will i can? i mean.. the current me has caused many of my frens 2 worry 4 me le... and its kind of sad... i mean.. i dun mean for them all 2 worry... i try 2 be bubbly in front of them but they haf learnt 2 see thru me... i fight really hard 2 hold back my tears... i feel tat i am really so stupid!!! so damm f***ing stupid! sorry... but pls allow tat... i feel scared, afraid and everything... and i juz dunno y i feel tat way... i am scared of wat will happen should there come a day when i cannot hold on any longer... wat will happen 2 me? i mean.. i am so stupid and foolish.. wat will happen? i really dun wan any1 2 worry le... but i juz can't let out in front of them mahz.. i mean they will get more worried! haiz... i sound so depressed? but sorry.. i really can't help it... i am typing all this with me fighting 2 hold back my tears and i am trembling... 2 my frens out there.. i will need u all de help these days lo... if i do cry pls dun scold me or any1 else kz? u all should noe wat i mean bahz... juz give me a hug and i iwll feel better de... thanks!!!

in case some ppl dunno... things r changing le.. they r not how as they use 2 be liaoz... i am really hurt and everything... i mean.. i am oso hurt if u din notice... i am really hurt... really very very hurt... really very very hurt... i am crying in my heart thou i dun show it in front of u... (T_T)

2day was CCN day... was not suppse 2 haf any school for FSN de.. budden we had 2 go back 2 do FPQA project... and heng we went back 2 look 4 miss mah.. or else sure fail de lor... she said a lot which i got record down... haha!!! then after tat was CCN... went 2 walk ard from 12 till 3... very tired... supposedly was 2 pei seng go bugis shop shop de... ended up juz going sim lim 2 buy his stocks for his shop then jiu left le... feel very guilty cos like promised him 2 shop de budden juz left like tat... a bit the bad la... on my way home met a siao uncle on the bus... so many seats but he sat next down next 2 me and he was like scratching himself and shaking damm badly till the guy in front turn ard la! and the uncle look damm horrible... all my courage was gone and all i could do was 2 sit, tremble, not move but 2 sms wt... damm scared!!! nearly cried lor... walk home trembling and crying cos really freaked out! haiz... 1st time i haf no courage...

haiz... i miss my stop when i was on my way home and then kena caught in the rain... so bad la!!! i had an umbrella... budden rain 2 big till i was damm wet waist down...
morning as normal went school.. budden i bad mood so din tok... it was usual for me and alesia budden he was asking: y u all so stone 2day? i wanted 2 say... its not stong.. its giving a blah blah blah... i better dun type juz in case he is reading... dun wish 2 hurt any1 but was juz not in a good mood... sorry... i haf made my frens all worried so sorry again.. u all noe the reason y can liaoz.. moring i was even more moody when i heard some news... thou i din show anything on my face, but in my heart i was telling myself tat i haf lost... and then i was quiet... but somehow, as lab works miracles, i was very happy and high when cooking the cream of mushroom soup for CCN.. honestly, u would be lucky if u got our 2nd batch of soup cos tat was the best :P haha.. yesterday made me scared of sugared water, 2day scared of mushroom soup liaoz... siao lo... haha... budden i was out delivering the set meals... then wash up then left for lunch at mensa... then went home le... i am so tired tat i juz flop down on my bed and slept... haha!!!

i can no longer take it... i juz let 10% of it out.. thank u very much shanlyn 4 listening 2 me at such a late hour... cos i really needed some1 le... thanks very much.. but note arh.. i only let out 10% horz... still got 90% de nehz! haha :) i will try 2 smile more...
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
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haiz... my cousin is in hospital... my mum called at 4 2day 2 tell me... rush down 2 hospital 2 accomany him lor... 8 year old nia... hmm... i reach there at 4.30... the traniee nurse honestly sucks lor! wa lao... bring my cousin go for x-ray the 4got the way back 2 the ward... 4 goodness lor... i was there for only 30mins yet i can remember the way lor! if i din go along then wat? he and my cousin no need 2 come back liaoz? bth sia! then after tat i slept sort of nap from 30 mins... and juz let my cousin run free... he seem so happy 2 be in the hospital lor... was playing ard... -_-''' then went home at ard 8 plus... damm tired la... maybe tmr go down again bahz... see how 1st...

something wrong with me 2day... so quiet... for a very long time i had not been so quiet... haha... but i got high after my FI lab since all of us took so much 'glucose'... haha!!!

me odd odd 2day... somehow feeling very low... morning then found out tat my CaT de meal planning was with jon... so i had 2 rush out everything of my meal planning again lor... honestly, i was quite angry thou i noe tat cannot blame him... since he really dunno... last night i panicked and cried... this morning if i din make tat phone call i might not haf cried and feel so moody... budden i with advices from fren i actually called... and it was tat call which made me so low la.. no, its not his fault... i dunno y juz felt down lor... maybe its bcos of the other gal... i am really confused and i really dunno wat 2 do liaoz... i dun think i will be in the mood for anything 2day... i will be quiet and juz do wateva others ask me 2 do... my mood is lost 4 everything... i dunno wat is wrong with me.. really... y am i feeling so down? y am i all of a sudden so quiet??? i was so happy juz yesterday... but within 1 night everything changed... or rather, within a few hours within last night everything changed... i am juz so no longer myself 2day... fake smile fake everyhting... i juz can't help it but 2 be so sad and moody... am i juz so stupid or foolish? i noe its no 1 fault... its oso has nothing 2 do with me... but i juz feel so idiotic!!! i juz hate things 4 happening!!! i juz hate the reason y ppl muz be so complicated... i juz hate the way life is... i juz hate it when ppl take me for granted... i hate it when i find out tat ppl r actually making use of me... but i juz hold everything back and tell myself 2 endure, not 2 angry and 2 juz hold bak my tears.. but 2day, i juz cried... but its was only abt my CaT and nothing else... as i am typing this i still feel like crying but i cannot cos i am typing this in school and in the computer lab... and i think tat its juz foolish for me 2 cry right now, without noeing the exact reason for y i wanna cry.. i juz noe tat i really need 2 let everything out...

TIRED!!! went 2 school early in the morning... all the way till 10 then reach home... cos haf lesson till 7, after tat do a bit of things in school, then go eat dinner, then take bus go home tat time overstop!!! suai sia... ya... as usual.. with hui nee ard, took so many pics again... haha... dun wan 2 up load le la... lazy and very tired... haf 2 go do cat de meal planning le... so sian sia... everyday project... tmr and thurs after school i sure rush home 2 do FPQA de... fro haf 2 hand up NLS... wah... bth arh!!! so many projects sia... a bit the very sian... budden... sem 1 is gonna be over soon!!! yeah!!!

i juz realise tat simples things make me happy... :) thanks 2 u peeps :)


somehow these few days there seem 2 be something in my throat... as if i wanna cry but i can't cry out... i dunno wat is the reason... cos these few days i was really happy and was not sad... maybe 2day i was so scared tat i actually trembled very badly... haiz.. i am so damm foolish and stupid la... :(

haiz... something damm worng with me now... dunno y all of a sudden feel like crying and i dunno the reason lor!!! i muz be mad le la... aiyoh... or maybe its i noe the reason but i refuse 2 admit 2 it... i juz dunno la!!! i feel so... erm... dunno how 2 describe la... haiz... some1 save me!!!
(T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T) (T_T)

i dun wanna be the centre person of so many things le... a bit the sian nehz... budden.. looking on the bright side... things 2 keep me busy... haha!!! 2day went HPB 2 research a bit... after tat ate lunch at BK... then my CaT group ppl come my house 2 do CaT de projects... morning rush NLS, afternoon rush CaT... at night do FPQA... wow!!! projects sia... sian lor... hmm... tok a lot 2day.. on practically everything.... haha!!! hmm got la... feel a bit better... budden dunno y i 2day very high... dunno wat is wrong with me 1 sia... but its good 2 be happy la... haha!!!

I WAN MY CHIPMUNK!!! muahaha!!! tat person should noe bahz... thanks 2 hui nee then i can haf de worz! haha... i will pester tat person till siao de worz! hehe... i am evil... ^_^

hmm... 2day after school stayed back 4 community service de tok... was a bit waste time la... cos since we noe wat we r supposed 2 do liaoz... i mean... ya... then after tat... left school with hui nee 2 go meet jon 2 eat dinner... haha... hmm ate at hougang mall... i ate the sheng main... nice nice.. hui nee help me eat finish... as in in the end i can't really finish eating all mahz... then after tat took a lot of zi lian pics la... haha!!!

ya... he juz wanna act cute...

wat happened 2 my eyes!!! his eyes and her head!!!

nee de extra supposedly twist

1 eye big 1 eye small worz!

me and nee.. so long never take pic with her le...

tat is all le bahz.. got a lot la... budden only 30% got me de... the rest arh.. not the food jiu shi nee or jon de lor.. bth the 2 sia... haha!!! after tat went home... was kind of suprised by something... hmm.. budden still went home, bath then i am gonna 2 slp le... tmr haf 2 go HPB do project.. sian sia... haiz...

and jon owe me a chipmunk... muahaha!!! :P

NLS concultation was flop... i am in com lab typing this... directly after the consultation... sian la... she damm fierce la.. shoot till i really dunno how 2 reply 2 her lor.. i never had any probs with any sort of interview b4... budden this is a total different case sia... she is the 1 teacher hu can make me panic lor... really very sad sia... i nearly cried inside the tutorial room lor... really had no idea how 2 answer her... (T_T) till now still feel like crying... haiz... seems 2 be so damm lack of confidence...

hmmm i juz changed the skin of my blog... nice mahz? hmmm quite nice la horz.. :P haha... after tat was readhing my archieves.. and i realised the 'knot' thingy... 2 be honest... i oso dunn y last time got so many knots lor... haha!!! budden now... things seem a but different bahz... there has been many changes in my life... esp. after ppl come into my life... and... the 'knot' i had in the past, i think its all over... at least i am 80% sure la... budden i am oso 100% sure tat there is this super big and tight knot NOW... seems a bit stupid in the 1st place... budden... haiz... really soemtimes hope tat humans dun haf 2 think... then nothing will be sad, angry... how i wish tat every1 can juz be happy... haiz... stupid stupid me sia...

hiaz... these few days very very little sleep... not enuf!!! max of 4 hours nia... practically everyday haf 2 reach school at 8, after tat haf 2 stay back 2 study.. sian sia... haiz... its ok... FPQA package 1 is gonna be over soon.. once its over... HOORAY!!! as if la! still got NLS, CaT, FPQA package 1B and blah blah blah... i am very tired la... 8 days hospital meal plan, 3 day food recall, 24hours recall, floor planning, OCP, fund raising, italian food dessert and blah blah blah.. when will these projects ever end? wah... wat the seniors said really true sia... year 2 really damm jia lat... haiz... tired le... dun wan 2 type le... go sleep liaoz...

there is something wrong with me... these few nitez somehow i dun really like 2 eat dinner... last night mum bought fish and chip.. i was there squeezing out the oil and only finished the fries and 1/3 portion of the fish... 2night mum bought fried hokkien prawn noodles.. i ate finished... but i was somewat forcing myself 2 swallow... stange sia... then i can cough cough cough till i puke... my cough is so bad tat i am losing sleep... but these few nites oso got stay up 2 study la... haf 2 liaoz...
these few days i oso siao siao liaoz... sometimes happy sometimes sad... i oso dunno wat causes these moods sia... when suppose 2 be happy, i be sad... when suppose 2 be sad, i be happy... i am mad liao la... haha!!! due 2 all the stupid projects, esp. FPQA, stupid PBL... finally 1st package is gonna end liaoz.. juz left with the report nia... then jiu done le... budden tmr still got presentation.. sian sia... haiz... wat 2 do.. AS student... projects lor.. 3 week of school= 10 projects.. and this is only sem 1 lehz... haiz.. how i wish i was a year 1 once more...

i din really sleep well last nite... was damm worried of some1... i really hope tat nothing will happen 2 tat person... cos i really dunno wat the other person can do 2 the innocent person... :P i mean... in the 1st place it was myself tat i was willing 2 get hurt or anything de mahz... haiz... so many ppl telling me 2 hack care... dun think i am able 2 do tat lor... i mean, i am 2 soft hearted le la... haiz... i really hope nothing will go wrong... if not, i will feel very very guilty and very bad... i dunno wat 2 do but 2 observe le... there is oso nothing tat i can do anyway... haiz...

these few days coughing very very badly... till i keep eating my cough syrup which makes me go 2 sleep... then my back injury oso getting worst... oso need the medicine 2 keep the pain down... haiz...
yesterday went out a while with shanlyn and shu jie 2 parkway 2 walk and 2 buy things... mainly is 2 buy my mama de present la... budden bought a pair of slippers, another skirt from OP and 2 dice keychains oso... the OP skirt last time wanted 2 buy then no more... find so long and finally its back!!! yeah!!! haha!!! then around 5 jiu left le lor... walked 2 bus stop and reached home at around 6... fell asleep and mum woke me up at around 8 for my dinner... then... nothing much... 2day 3 ppl come my house 2 do project... task 1 ard 50% done le bahz... 1st time all 2hours fully spent on doing projects and projects only... haha... budden the rest arh... haiz... now awaiting my KFC dinner delivery... muahahaha... i hungry!!!

these few days a lot of ppl telling tat the miss the smiling hp... got mehz? i think i am smiling these few days wat.. got wat.. i got smile arh... i still normal lehz... hmm.. i think i am happy bahz... no longer sad sad de le arh... i think.. ya... some days i might seem sad... but when i sad i still smile de lehz.. at least try 2 smile? but i am smiling these days le mahz!!! not mehz? shan, alesia, wt, hui nee, sister, shu jie, jon, linda and blah blah blah, i got smile ritez??? =) haha!!! anywae...i gotta admit la.. i am no longer as noisy in front of my frens as i use 2 be when i was in year 1... hmm.. maybe r due 2 those changes bahz... having grown up in a way due 2 so many things... the way i grew up, no 1 will noe abt it bahz... haha!!!

2day i siao liaoz lah... dunno y 2day was very high la... like happy happy and smiling the whole day... i muz be mad... :P hmm morning went school at 9... haha!!! some1 late worz!!! okies... not late... nearly late bahz.. haha!!! yaya... next time buy sports shoe bahz... hehe... then wait at mushroom for wei ting 2 come 2 go watch the leadership video bobby jones... ok la... but the story a bit the very slow... nearly fell asleep sia... then met shanlyn for lunch... linda ate with us... alesia joined us a bit later oso... then was FI lab... made sponge cake... only got 3 variations nicer nia... in the lab hot hot eat was nice... budden when cold cold liaoz jiu not nice... cos monkey said he wanted 2 eat... so brought 2 eng school 4 him 2 eat lor... budden cold liaoz.. and oso hard liaoz... after tat went library 2 photocopy notes and project works...bth arh!!! looking at the amt. of projects we r gonna haf... i am gonna haf phobia of projects liao la!!! madness sia.... hmm after tat.. went bookshop 2 buy drink then jiu go home le... fell asleep on bus.. nearly overstop... cos dunno y nearly 4got 2 get down.. reach home took cough medicine.. cos these few days coughing like sia till i puked... then slept lor... woke up 2 dinner, pack room.. later gonns do some projects agin bahz... sian arh... so many projects...


i am sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the ride... yes... it may hurt at times... but i am willing 2 put in almost everything, 2 give in... yeah.. i will be the learner and winner at the end of the ride... yupz.. cos of u, i have grown a little... i had never been like tat in my whole life b4... she was right... i muz not give up but 2 relax and enjoy.. it will be wonderful process... it shall be a beautiful memory... its shall be part of 1 of the most wonderful moment of my life... thank u very very much 4 allowing me 2 enjoy...

i put myself 2 the test 2day 2 see how far i haf gone... sad 2 say... i fail damm damm badly la... haiz... there is juz something tat is still there tat i can't 4get.. i mean... if i am really over it i wun be so sad le ritez? hmmmzzz... but things r going quite weel at the time being... so shall let it remain as it is bahz... i noe i will take a super long time 2 get over it, but i really hope tat i can get over it...



i am juz so sad la... i oso dunno y am i sad.. perheaps... its time?

haiz... i dunno wat is wrong with me these few days... got kind of high... then down again... like now... juz 20 mins ago i was like haha-ing away in msn... but now... i like juz feel down again.. maybe is because of wat i was talking 2 wei ting about bahz... ya.. i think tat should be the case... i do not know how long i will have 2 take 2 get over tat thing... i really damm stupid of me la... i noe its not worth it anymore... but its my 1st time dropping tears for some1 lehz... besides my family members la... guess i will have 2 take some time? but so far, i haf not been letting it affect our frenship... everything still quite ok la... i think... hmm.. so far still ok la... as least not as bad as... well... shall not mention it again... some1 else have hurt me b4.. thou is not as painful and i did not cry cos of the other person... and i think the other person de thingy is over.. now i juz haf 2 get out of this 1 and everything will be fine le!!! yeah!!! haha... see... as i type, i feel more happier liaoz... i seem 2 be able 2 cheer myself up.... but i bet 10 mins later arh, i will be down again... haiz... see la... i haiz liao lor... i muz be mad sia... tut tut.. cannot! i muz get out of it!!!


another thing on my mind... got ppl ask me join main com of ASc and I-Guides... but really need a lot of commitment lehz... i think most prob i join i-guides de nia la.. i dun think my studies will permit me 2 join ASc de... hmm.. okies... i shall see how things go... most prob i will join I-Guides de main com bahz... :)

wah... i feel so happy for my sister la... aiyoh... got herself a bf liaoz.. after so long like finally... haha... to tristan: u better treat her damm well kz! she is a damm great gal horz! anything she sad arh, u die! and u oso noe how fierce i can get horz...
anyway... back 2 my life... hmmm workers party won the hougang election... shall not comment on tat till i am above 21... muahahahahas!!!
hmmm... other stuffs... i think still okies bahz... hmm... should be nothing much la... juz now went hougang mall with alesia... hmm then still nothing much la.. i these few days dunno y stm liaoz... haiz...

ARGH!!! Y MUZ THERE BE BITCHES AROUND IN EARTH!!! BTH ARH!!! PLS LOR! IF U WAN 2 BE REGONISED, DUN SUCK UP! PROVE YOURSELF LA! ALL TALK AND NO WORK! U THINK U WAT! JUZ 1 ACTION THEN OK LIAO? PLS LOR! ITS THE LONG TERM EFFORT TAT IS BEING SEEN LOR! WTH! U THINK U VERY BIG?! I TELL U LOR! SUCKING UP WILL NOT HELP U! COS I SHALL BRING U DOWN! U R GONNA GET IT FROM ME... I SHALL NOT LET U GET AWAY WITH THINGS SO DAMM EASILY!!!!




ARGH!!!!!!!

argh!!! currently in school library... suppose 2 do research de la... but really cannot find!!! so damm pissed off la! wa lao! and we r only like given 40 mins 2 find so many things? WTH la... nono... it should be WT bloody H... haha!!! sian arh! i tot tat i would like PBL... but i realise tat i dun really like it as much as i have expected... haiz... so damm sian la... aiyoh... bth le la... i dun feel like finding any more le la!!!

OMG!!! i am so damm touched by linda and jon!!! they noe i sick and din eat... so they bought prooidge all the way 2 my house lor! duck porridge... they wanted 2 see me eat de... but i scared will wake my parents up so they left le then eat... quite nice nehz... budden really cannot swallow lor.. every 5 mins then i take a mouth... after every mouth take a bite off the sour sweet they bought oso... omg.. i really very very touched!!! cos honestly, i noe linda for only 6months, jon around 3-4 months... then... wow!!! i really am so lucky 2 have such great frens! thanks peeps!!! i really love u guys! muacks!!! its like... 1.30 in the morning when they come lor! and linda was like working during day time lor...omg... touched!!! then they like look up from the bottom of my void deck 2 tok 2 me... cos i cannot open window for my dining room... so they tok from bottom up... then like they left at only around 2am lor... omg... eh, u 2 muz really rest kz... dun tire yourself out hor! THANKS again!!! MUACKS!!!