haiz... i dunno y am i feeling like tat these few days... somehow i juz can't get my brain to think right... its so damm frustrating... hmm... i really hope 2 juz 4get everything for time lor... i mean... sometimes, there is no point in keeping them in your head, for all it bring might be only hurt sometimes... yes... i see an effort put into things, but its just like, i dunno la... its juz feel different lehz... i dunno wat is going on, i dunno wat 2 do sometimes... i have oso been putting in my best, but i dun think there will be any difference bahz... haiz...



on a lighter note... my cousin sis juz gave birth 2 a baby girl... and tat girl is juz 1 week old and she is able to smile till so pretty le lor... omg! she is so damm cute la! haha... i juz went 2 her houser yesterday... and the girl is spoilt le... she refuse 2 be put down on the bed and would juz yell and scream, and wants 2 be carried... haha... and she is juz so cut la... haha!!!

Hurt is part of love... But it's not. Love should make you happy, not depressed. Do you think love would be beautiful if things are always that easy? If you couldn't feel the hurt, how could you feel the love?

love start with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear... (copyright from ele)

i came across these words on the net... and i think tat they r quite meaningful... honestly... i think tat they r true oso... cos i did feel the hurt once... and i really dun wish 2 go thru it again... thou, i think i am going thru it again... but the thoughts after tat, i hope it will be nice... so far, everything is still as normal.. nothing had changed and i am quite happy indeed... i dunno y but i juz laughed... then after tat, i oso dunno y 2day i mood swing, and become a bit sad sad... haha.. i think i am going crazy... if depression ever comes back 2 me, i can only say tat its all due 2 one or 2 person, cos i think i put in too much le... haiz... but hopefully, it will all be over soon...

haha... haiz... haiz... haiz... haiz... haiz... i juz realise something... u can be happey when some1 is happy... when tat some1 is sad... u can be sad 2.. how strange... tat person is juz able 2 change my mood so easily... haha!!!!

sometimes i wish tat i can read thru ppl mind and noe wat they r thinking of... i mean, i makes me feel so uncomfortable wheen i dunno wat is going thru tat person's mind... y those action? y those reaction? those looks were imprinted on my mind ever since then... i could never 4get those changes... y can't u juz say it out? it actually kind of hurt me... i dunno y but i juz can't stop myelf from feeling like tat... after toks with some ppl... out of which 4 ppl say y not? it might be possible, while 1 agree with me tat its not really possible, but later, she said tat u might not realise it? haiz... i hate this feel sia... i sometimes wonder y there is thingy called fate... and lead me 2 ppl who bring changes into my life... make me sad, happy, angry, miserable... but the worst is 2 make me 2 feel so damm damm damm confused... haiz... many told me not 2 think... but the soil logic i told linda and shan and wei ting seems 2 be so real... haiz...

ah... i-guides de chalet is finally over... guess have 2 admit it was fun yet boring? haha... hmm was kinda of diappointed with the turn out? cos like almost 15 ppl put aeroplane la... haiz... so sad right? haiz... in the end we were around $50 short? i have to pay ppl back their $10 for those hu din turn up... wich adds up 2 a total of $70... honestly... i paid more than i should have for this chalet... but nvm... shall not say how much here... its was afterall for the fun la...

day 1:
after school ends at 12.30, i rush home and get the things and rush down to the chalet. cos some1 said tat wan us 2 reach at 2.30. in the end we waited till around 4 for him? haha... nvm... we were joking around... hmm check in... check stuffs. put stuffs into place then got the guys 2 start the fire for the bbq lor... around 20 ppl was there for the bbq? i was making the fruit punch... haha once nice, then not nice, then nice, then nice nice nice..... le... haha!!! hmmm i din eat much... took a chicken wing... 2 or 3 hotdogs, a few marshmallow then jiu no more le... after tat i juz sat there... or was making the drinks... then ended up inside the room with pei fang and elieen... tok a bit, gossiped a bit... while i was calculating the money... haha... seng came in, gossip stopped, he went out and everything started again... haha!!! hmmm after tat the 2 of them went out, shanlyn and shu jie came in... and i was still settleling the money thingy... done le jiu tok crap to shan and shu jie... was abt 2 leave when seng came in again... wth! he lied sia... told me he promised pi wen tat i will be there waiting for her 2 come, otherwise she will break off ties with me... in the end i found out tat he din even mentioned me la! aiyoh! haha... hmm... then after tat walked out with shan and sj 2 downtown there de bus stop. my dad came and send me home. hmm reach home... tok with jon on phone... tok tok tok then slept... haha... some how i was not in a very good mood and he was trying 2 cheer me up... muahahaha!!!

day2:
woke up at 7.30, then went back to sleep till ivan called me at 8am... tat really woke me up! haha... bath then catch 81 down to the chalet... managed to catch the last morning shuttle service into the chalet... hmm most of them were still sleeping la... then pei fang they all were leaving le... pi wen was there... she and me tok tok tok... haha... erm... she told me things... i dun believe de la, till her frens told me tat it was true... but hu cares! haha... hmm... around 12 like tat went out with shan to buy things to clear up the chalet which was in a mess and everything la... we came back and found out tat alan de girlfren was washing the things la... then i pass her the sponge and went to eat lunch lor... hmm halfway thru lunch, i felt very bad la... like she is a guest yet she is helping us wash, like not very good lehz, so i went 2 help her lor... hmmm but she washed finish le, so i jus wipe the table... and she oso got help 2 pack the whole chalet lor... haiz... hmm... after tat... went back 2 the room... me and shan sort of haf some toks bahz... tok till i moody moody again... haha!!! then after tat went outside 2 watch alan play P.S... then around 4.30 i left the chalet.. walked out with stanford... cos he had 2 go home... was somewat silence on the way out... i was more or less toking with wei ting on the phone bahz... then reach home, wash clothes, call xin yu 2 find out how things r at the chalet... then after tat... tok on the phone with linda... somewat serious tok bahz... nono! b4 tat was on the phone with pi wen, then linda, then linda de junior join us, then jon called in oso... hah ended up me and jon and linda left... hmmm tok then jiu sleep le... but i was a bit the cannot fall asleep la...

day3:
morning went 2 school... after tat as usual rush down 2 chalet... this time is 2 take the keys and pass it 2 seng la... i went down and i wanted 2 faint sia! the state of the kitchen... makes me wanna puke la! but nvm.. i washed up everything... with frequent 'visits' from alan, ivan, and jon...washed washed washed... linda and jon come and pei me in the kitchen... tok la... then washed la... tat jon dunno kena scolded by me how many times lor... haha!!! when was done washing, checked everything... went room 2 room, check cupboards, bed etc etc... locked up everything chase the guys out then we left oso lor... hmm... state of chalet is at least better then b4 i came la... haha... hmm after tat took bus down 2 changi village where seng works... went to his shop and sat lor... pass him the keys then slack around at his shop... played with cats, ate lunch, crap here and there... then left his shop at around 5pm... we reached there and saw leandra in his shop... tio shock sia... haha... after tat she came back again la... haha... hmm... then reach home at 6... wash clothes again.. haha!!! then now finally can come and blog le... haha.. later will be toking 2 jon and ele on the phone again... haha... well i haf 2 update them on something... muz la... haiz...






things may not seem as how they use 2 be... things i heard does not always seem nice... things i do may haf hurt u... things i do are actually done 2 find out how u think of me... things tat happen make ppl sad, and it makes me feel sad too... the way i saw things r... i was not happy... linda noes how i am feeling.. i fear i might haf 2 lose sleep again... all due 2 frens and more frens... haiz... seeking for help!!! i really dunno wth i am thinking of... wth others r thinking of... things changed since i dunno when.. hopefully they will be back 2 normal bahz... they way i see it is now... i dun like the feel at all... not at all... its juz makes me go sad and crazy...

yeah... cedar girls ncc won best girls unit... finally... haha...


now i am super angry! y can't ppl juz appreciate how things r done and co-operate??? i mean... so much effort haf been put into things.. and u can come and tell me last minute tat u dun feel like going?! wth! so wat if u r not staying overnight, so wat if u r not eating... U STILL HAF 2 PAY UP KZ! pls lor... so many ppl not going yet they paid u noe! i dun care lor... if u r going, u juz haf 2 pay! be it $5, $10... JUZ PAY LA! DUN ARGUE BACK CAN! THINGS IS REALLY VERY DIFFICULT KZ! argh!!!

sometimes i wish tat things can be done more simply... i wish tat ppl can be more cooperative... i wish tat i dun haf so much burdens...

i sometimes find tat there r ppl around hu can be damm idiots la! they r selfish... making me go so sad... when they left an empty spot in part of my life... and the next thing i noe, they r back again! damm stupid right? i sometimes feel tat there is some1 out there hu can really really juz be next 2 me, instead of making me go all miserable... y muz there be this thing called sadness? y muz i feel so damm miserable?! wat the heck is going on with me sia! or maybe, 2 a small extend.. wat the heck is going on in the world around me?! argh! i juz feel like killing myself or some ppl out there!!! can any1 juz end my miserable and make sure tat they do not come back?! any1 there hu is willing 2 help? haiz...
my collegue said someting 2 me during work at around 6.45 2day, when she took my hp 2 haf a look... she asked me a question which made me went stunned and all quiet... i mean... wat she said... make me kind of go a bit shock? not sad... but shock... honestly, i dunno y i care so much of wat ppl say around me lehz.... but sometimes, they really can make me go all shock, sad, happy, and blah blah blah...
sometimes i wish tat all of it can be over soon... but i haf 2 say this...
I AM INNOCENT!!! THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON AT ALL!!! BTH ARH!!!

opps... i think i really long time never blog le... i was super busy la... work, school, work, work and more work... plus things here and there... making me go crazy, sad, happy... haiz... sometimes i juz wish tat i can lie on my bed and sleep 4ever...
my house renovation is finally done... after a month! haiz... after having a dirty house for 1 month! all those inconvience and stuffs gone! yeah!!!
haha... was juz toking with wei ting online... and we tok abt johnsen and johnsen, tat brand tat baby use most la... haha... so damm funnly la! i shall not elaborate.. haha!!!
i realise tat this past month i haf not been in much contacts with most of my frens... as i was 2 buzy le... so sorry peeps! but go out muz jio me kz? haha... i can take off de... but when i am working a bit de difficult 4 me 2 tok or sms la... so pai seh!!!

haiz... as i am typeing, some thoughts r coming back 2 my mind once again... i never got myself 2 4get those things fully... especially now... haiz... things r getting more and more back 2 wat they use 2 be... i mean.. things changed 4 a while, then they went back 2 normal... i feel scared 4 myself...

SHANLYN CHEW XIANG YING!!! U BETTER GO WATCH MOVIE WITH US HOR! IF NOT ARH!!!
i shall make sure tat the whole world noes abt u and your 14 ppl... muahahaha!!!

i am driven nuts by my child care kid... she juz cannot stop crying!!! its so damm super frustrating la!!! and the other stupid teacher is not helping la!!! push tat crying girl 2 me... then after tat say she go toilet etc... teach oso dun teach... haiz... such a let down la!!! haiz... lucky tmr going 2 see my family dentist... no need 2 go work lo!!! haha break fromthe cryings... yahoo!!! ^_^v

2day is a sad and happy day... sad cos of some things tat happen... things r not wat they use 2 be la bah... haiz... i shall observe more then... happy cos i got a new handphone!!! yeah! but had 2 pay $268 for it... haha... hmm... morning i woke up 2 a swollen gun at the bottom left hand side of my mouth... was so swollen tat i cannot close my mouth, cannot eat and oso haf difficulty toking... i tok as if i haf a short tongue or i was sucking a sweet in my mouth... then eating was also difficult.. i had 2 swallow porridge.. and it swallow without chewing lor... dinner oso... took such a long time 2 eat... and my brother was like saying jia you... i was on the edge of crying so many times 2day lor... and it started 2 bled in the gums since afternoon, till now still bleeding... haiz... tuesday then can go see dentist la... i was so angry over dinner lor, cos my family ate crab... how great... in the end i smash up my crab de shell in order 2 eat... i ate 1 and then dun wan eat le... it was so difficult for me la... so i sat there and watch my family eat... i was so hungry can! and i am still hungry... cos i was so frustrated with eating tat i gave up and decided not 2 eat... now i am so hungry la!!! haiz.. dunno wat 2 do le...


things can be so unpredicted... they r not how they use 2 be... they seem so different... then seem so distant... and they seem 2 be able 2 make me sad...

argh!!! those stupid things r all coming back again... i hate it when there is nothing for me to do... i will only think and think and think... something happened 2day tat make me felt odd... i honestly haf a fear inside me tat sooner or later, something will go wrong and bad things will happen... i honestly dun wish for it 2 happen as it will affect many ppl... maybe things will change for the better? maybe i am juz thinking 2 much? i am really very scared tat i feel like crying...
p.s. ele, if u r reading this, i will be calling u within these few days le... i haf 2 'fa lao sao' again... haiz... so sorry...

i am so sick le la... wed night had fever... then thurs woke up 2 haf flu and slight cough... now... kns la!!! my flu is so serious tat it is even blocking my ears la... i cannot hear things clearly de lor... and now i oso coughing like mad le, yet my child care de teacher push the work 2 me... haiz... everyday drink liang ca oso no use la... sianz lor... haiz...

i am juz so so so so so tired... from work, from life from everything... from frenship from EVERYTHING!!! juz let me yell out...
ARGH!!!

juz 3 days of work and i am sick le.. haiz...

tat stupid feeling is coming back again... i am sure i will lose my sleep again... should i stay over at my aunt's house so tat i wun haf 2 face him in msn? but it was oso in my aunt's house tat i got 2 noe him better thru msn during the last semestral holidays... y muz he be back at this time when i told myself 2 4get him for 1 and a half months? i was so hard for me 2 4get, yet it was so easy 4 him 2 make me think of him again... juz by 2 little actions of his and i fell tat i fell back again... thou it was not as bad as last time... sometimes, i find him so selfish, and oso such an idiot... :( work use 2 keep him off my mind... but now, even thou i am working more, i still can't get hin off!!! i am happy 2 tok 2 him, yet at the same time i dun wanna tok 2 him... i juz can't bring myself 2 block him... every time i do so, 2 seconds later i will unblock him le...
i am juz a gal learning 2 4get things, and not let them get back at me again...
i really hope tat things will not get any worst, or i fear i cannot take it...
i hope tat by working like siao i can 4get everything...
i noe i seem 2 be running away, but tat is the only solution left le...
i hope tat he can juz........ i haf nothing 2 say...