in ard 9 more hours, we will be facing 'the women' for our NLS!!! haiz... scared sia, thou i think we did better than part 1? dunno lehz... the women is damm scary de la.. haiz... even if got confidence oso can become no confidence la... sian diao...


i haf 2 admit something... I MISS (blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah) shall not say it out.. muahaha!!! budden i really miss (blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah) la... can make me go all damm happy, sad and 'missing'... wat should i do next?

2day had lectures in the morning... sian sia... all boring boring de... then after tat went 2 comp lab to do NLS.. its finally done.. but we r all prepared2 face the fire tmr... muahahah!!! hmmm juz now went to ITAS to buy potato wedges for my lunch... saw some1 budden din say hi... 2 lazy liaoz... :P haha!!! then went back 2 concourse... then help out with shan they all de NLS.. thou i din really help much la... budden still got help a bit la... haha! later 6 then can go home.. sian sia... haiz haiz haiz...


i regret my actions.. i really regret them.. i heard the wrong this and did the wrong things... haiz... she told me tat i muz act blur like her... in the end she was actually refering to the wrong person la... haha!!! so in the end i did wat was not suppose 2 be la... sadded sia... or else i would haf been happier :P

damm it! juz heard tat there might not be i-guides next year... WTH!!! i give up Asc le lor... pls pls pls pls pls pls pls let it be tat there will be i-guides in chared by SAA... IN CHARED BY SAA!!! pls pls pls pls pls... i am begging hard... since i haf decided not 2 join Asc but 2 put all commitment into i-guides le... pls dun let there be no i-guides...
PLEASE!!!

how great... 1st day of school and i only had 2 hours or less of sleep... i slept at 4 plus, yet i woke up at 6... the power of PROJECTS!!! at 3am, i still see almost half of my classmates online... i dunno how many of them din sleep.. haiz... since when did our class become so poor thing?

i am back from my cousin's 2 help look after her baby... her husband out of spore and oso she has sent her maid back... and since i love babies so much, she ask me to go help her lor... ya... a bit the tiring la, but fun la... the girl so cute, love to tok so much... and i big thing!!! she normally dun allow other ppl 2 put her 2 sleep de lor, not even her father kz... BUT! SHE ALLOW ME 2 PUT HER 2 SLEEP!!! it was like omg! her mum oso cannot believe it la, since like only she can put her 2 sleep de budden in the end its i put her 2 sleep de... haha... should feel hourned man! haha!!! anyway, went with my cousin to the market cos wanted 2 buy some foodd, for breakfast etc... the market really like child care like tat la... damm many kids lor!!! hmm.. ya.. i think tat is abt all bahz...

the gal known as ezzane holding the milk bottle herself when she is only 3months old!

5 kids having fun taking pics after pics

3 on the left r siblings, 2 on the right r brothers

now another thing on my head... should i join ASC main com? aiyoh... think for 2 months le... (shorter than ig which i tot for 5months) anyway, i am suppose 2 have gotten back 2 deb by now but i still can't make up my mind la... damm headache la!!! i really dunno wat 2 do... i admit tat my heart mainly does wanna join i-guides de... and yes, i will put i-guides above ASc... but i think i dunno lehz... feel like joining both but i will be siao la! got quite a number of ppl ask me join... but i dunno y there is something pulling me back from joining ASc de lehz... it will be a fun and enriching experience la... budden i really damm scared la.. haiz...

ouch...
tat is all i can say le... i can only add on tat i think i lost something damm precious 2 me 2day... its so damm sad, tat i was juz fighting against myself to stop myself from allowing the tears to drop... but i guess all i can do is 2 keep most things 2 myself again, and 2 try 2 control myself again... :'(

i feel a lump in my throat tat makes me wanna cry... i wanna get it out but i can't... i can't cry anymore... i think ppl ard me all feel something le... but i dunno y la.. dun think 2 much into it bahz... i juz need 2 let out.. i think i haf kept everything inside me 4 too long le... i din had a good sleep last night, thou i haf been told tat i made the right choice... i dunno if i made the correct choice, but things r gonna change le... :( i dunno when can i let it out... i can't cry at home, and neither can i cry in school... looks like i juz haf 2 keep everything inside me for an even longer period of time le...

fine!!! call me a bitch 4 all i care!!! do u noe how much it hurts me? i do not noe y but i haf been called bitch a lot of times le... i used not 2 be affected, but recently i dunno y i juz get so affected... i realised tat ppl ard me haf been calling me names, haf been lying 2 me, and so many other things tat i am actually having a phobia of going 2 school le... i dunno y but i seem 2 fear so many ppl in school... i hope this wun last or i really wun dare 2 go school anymore... getting hurt, sad, angry not only by 1 or 2 ppl, but by so many... if u really wanna scold me or call me names, then do it in front of me! dun do it behind my back or beating ard the bush!!! its even more hurtful... i dun give a damm 2 hu is reading this anymore cos sooner or later, i will make myself disappear from every1... at least i shall keep everything 2 myself... i really cannot trust any1 anymore... being betrayed is a damm bad thing and it has happened 2 me so many times... sooner or later, like wat happened in sec school, i will no longer trust any1, i will no longer tok 2 most ppl, i will juz be alone... it can be such a sad world so damm many times...

haiz... i am currently given 2 choices 2 choose from... i noe i will 100% join i-guides main com... but ASC??? should i? i really can't make up my mind! half of me wanna join, but the other half is holding me back due 2 many reason... joining main in ASC i can hopefully learn some useful stuffs... but wat abt my studies, time, family, friends etc etc... will i deprove in my studies? will i haf the time 2 do so many things? will i haf 2 sacrifice my family and friends? i really dunno wat will happen... if i join both, i will be in a damm spot! cos since last open house AS and IG dun seem 2 haf a good relation... hmm hopefully tat will improve? i dunno la... hopefully peeps reading this will give me some advices la... pls dun tell me up 2 me or follow my heart, cos i really dunno where my heart is leading me 2... in all ways, i dunno where my heart is leading me to...

2day had our comm service... was damm tired... morning woke at 7 2 prepare stuffs cos alesia de mum coming 2 fetch us to school with the things... got jon 2 help us carry the stuffs from my house 2 the car... reached school pestered michael for trolly cos needed 2 carry a lot of stuffs... haha... then meet class at AS concourse, then went 2 sports hall 2gether... hmm let them wasted a lot of time cos yi jia and me had 2 do a lot of log stuffs... hmm, everything somewat started at ard 11? ya... then hmm had a damm rush lunch which i din finish and oso 2 lazy 2 count money for ppl 2 pay so juz treat la... haha... then cooked the hotdongs, made the bread etc... kena shifted out of sports hall cos scared might attract ants... hmm cooked and i dunno y i had 2 run here and there... not log team de person oso become log.. haha!!! anyway things ended at ard 6? but i had 2 stay back and clean 4 the class and the mess left behind and stuffs etc... then haiz... was juz dunno y damm pissed off la... haiz... hmm, wallace tok tok la... i shall reconsider my thoughts now le... haha!!! anyway, went home at ard 7... took cab home cos 2 many things 2 carry le... then oso damm tired la.. wanna sleep le... haiz... *yawns!!!*

i juz found out tat some1 has been lying 2 me... i feel so hurt... i can't trast tat person anymore... i wun show it, thou i noe tat wat we haf now will be gone in a few days... its juz so hurtful... i trusted her so much... yet she is doing this 2 me? fine... i haf made a wrong fren... i wun say i hate u... i wun do anything even... but i think u will noe tat there will be a change le... even if u dun sense it, i think some1 will tell u... i trusted u... but this is wat i get in return... maybe i should haf not even trust u in the beginning... i dunno... but i hope tat i will not get wat u r doing again.. if i do catch u doing it again,then too bad, dun blame me for being worst... i oready haf been controlling my temper and stuffs le... but... its juz tat it really hurts.. i am so sorry 2 say so but i think the hurt is even more painful in your case...

so in conclusion... i am a nothing 2 u la! fine! when u needed my help, i was always there... but when i juz want simple help from u, u dun even wanna help? fine! pls noe tat i am deeply hurt by u kz... i have lost sleep, lost frens, lost time and even cried dunno how many damm times le lor! can u juz pls understand how i am feeling mahz? argh...

haiz... 2day went out meet up with so damm many strange things la...
1) at hougang interchange, we met a guy hu keeps yelling 'U DIE!' and me and wei ting were like in the queue with him.. so we got out.. and he yelled: wa lao eh! stupid women! u die!' and he kept scolding us 'U DIE' lor... siao de la... then me and wei ting say.. in the end, u will die la.. haha!!!
2) we wanted 2 wtach da vinci code de... went into the cinema... watch 30mins worth of commercial laioz horz, they played... CARS!!! wa!!! damm irritating la!!! then had 2 wait for 10 mins for technician 2 change the movie back 2 the correct 1 lor... bth...
3) in the cinema hall with us 2 seats away, was a guy in skirt!!! omg!!! 2day damm funny la!!! meet so damm many odd odd de ppl!!! haha!!!

can some1 lend me sword so tat i can kill some ppl b4 killing myself? BTH ARH!!! ARGH!!!

i cried
i'm crying
i'm tired
how i wish tat i can juz sleep on 4eva and eva so tat i wun haf 2 be bothered by anything, dun haf 2 be sad abt anything...
how i wish tat i can juz disappear from this world so tat i can feel nothing...
how i wish tat u will noe wat am i truely feeling so tat i dun haf 2 cry anymore...
how i wish tat u will noe and understand y i did so many things 4 u, y i got myself hurt bcos of u...
how i wish i haf more courage so tat i can admit wat i wanna say 2 u wat i really wanna say...
how i wish i dun haf so many wishes, or tat all my wishes can come true... but nothing will work out 4 me 4 u de... so sad... so damm sad...

i tot after having a long sleep i will feel better and i hope tat when i wake up, everything would juz be a dream... thus i force myself 2 sleep at 10 last night... after 12 hours of sleep, i woke up 2 find tat nothing has ever changed... troubles r still in me... things r stil sad, causing me 2 be so damm disappointed... haiz... i hate the way things r now... i really hate it!!!

hmmm... haf i said 2 much in my msn nick? ppl r asking me if i am ok every now and then... even ppl whom i am not close 2, ppl whom i haf not tok 2 etc... i am really very sorry peeps, i really dun mean 2 get u all worried or wat... but i am juz not feeling in a good mood la... juz bad mood lor... really very sorry... i mean, its my immature thinking tat has got me 2 be in such a sad state... i oso hope tat i can get over it soon... but in the meantime, dun worry about me kz... i will be fine de... juz let me cry a bit more, be more quiet 4 a while more, be not myself 4 a while more la kz? thanks! and really... thank u all sooooo much for your care and concern!!! muacks!

hmmm... haf i said 2 much in my msn nick? ppl r asking me if i am ok every now and then... even ppl whom i am not close 2, ppl whom i haf not tok 2 etc... i am really very sorry peeps, i really dun mean 2 get u all worried or wat... but i am juz not feeling in a good mood la... juz bad mood lor... really very sorry... i mean, its my immature thinking tat has got me 2 be in such a sad state... i oso hope tat i can get over it soon... but in the meantime, dun worry about me kz... i will be fine de... juz let me cry a bit more, be more quiet 4 a while more, be not myself 4 a while more la kz? thanks! and really... thank u all sooooo much for your care and concern!!! muacks!

i am feeling so damm shitty la! i dunno wat is wrong... i really dunno... honestly, i had 2 lie... i gave a big hint... but i dun think any1 knew it... had my last test 2day... but i was affected by things... i haf 2 admit, i was not really able 2 concentrate on my studying since last night cos ya... juz distracted la... i cried 2day... i cried a lot... i trembled a lot... wt even said she feel like crying... i dunno y la, but its juz sad, it juz hurt... it juz hurt so damm badly... i deleted all evidence, i try 2 4get everything... but after thinking 4 so long, its still haiz... dun wish 2 say anymore... i type somemore and i will cry again... i am really really really sad... :(

haiz... all i haf 2 say is:
i'm a sad sad girl in a big big world...
i dunno wat is going on... but my mood these days kind of bad... maybe is bcos of wat is going on ard me bahz... maybe is oso because of other stuffs...i haf been getting myself 2 study and not use the net from monday till 2day.. and it sort of worked out.. budden 2day i slacked again.. ought 2 give myself a slap sia... haiz.. nvm, i shall go study after i finish blogging... muz study hard if i really wanna do well... i can't afford 2 fail or slack or anything le... i will die!!! haiz... budden back 2 wat i was saying, i dunno y my mood these days not good... i admit, i was putting up a front in school... i wasn't the hp u all see... i came home, a reason 2 keep myself in my room, study lor... juz wanna get away from a lot of things, for example msn bahz... haiz... i get away from msn, i can be happy... like 2day, i juz sat in front of the comp, come back 2 msn... and i juz was not happy le... haiz... when will i ever mature in my thinking???
wat u said were like a thousand knives piercing thru my heart, thou u will not know it... your actions, your words... like i said b4, a thousand sorries cannot heal a broken heart... i am sad and hurt deeply...

hmm.. okies.. so u r in a bad mood... pity u la... budden, dun get so worked up kz? i really really dunno how 2 react de lehz... then it will only made me feel bad cos i might haf said the wrongs things... i really din wan 2 hurt u or say things tat u dun wan 2 hear de... but i remembered last time u were the 1 hu told me 2 tell u any updates... haiz... sorry if i said things tat were not the updates u wanna hear de.. really sorry :( hmm but last night u were oso in a bad mood right? i think u haf 2 admit bahz... u can't lie 2 me de la... i can tell u were in a bad mood... not only me... your cousin oso said so.. she said u sounded very fierce, angry and very cold... and she oso scared 2 tok 2 u now le... haiz.. up 2 me again liao le la... hopefully i can dig everything out from u 2night, and oso cheer u up a bit... but u muz promise me 2 cheer up oso kz? muz smile!!! :) ^_^

haiz... i am feeling very bad now la... i feel as if i am the cause of some1 else misery... haiz.. but at the same time, i can't help but 2 feel happy tat something has happened 2day... haiz.. should i feel happy or sad? cos if i feel happy, i can make 2 other ppl happy as well... if i am sad, i can cause 3 other ppl or more 2 be sad lor... hmm... dunno la... shall keep it everything 2 myself la.. haiz... anyway, my uncle de maid is over 2 stay at my house... afternoon met wei ting 2 reurn her notes... feel so pai seh la.. owe her so long le... came home 2 find my cousin and her babay at my house... haha.. the baby was crying cos she wanna go home le.. then i tok 2 her she got smile a bit la... haha!!! hmm... i think next next week i gonna spend some time at my aunt's and cousin de house... 1 thing is cos i wanna get away from my msn... somehow whenever i sit in front of msn i feel kind of sad la... haiz... shall see how la.. cos i got like so many projects 2 rush... next week on the 8th going out 4 dinner hopefully, then on the 9th got graduation ceremony... after tat i think should be going out la... cos got ppl wanna buy clothes and promised him 2 pei him le... hopefully wun be 2 late or my mum will kill me again... haha!!! anyway shall see how la.. cos maybe i wun haf the mood? dunno la... i really dunno a lot of things lor.. i can't even noe my own feelings lor... -_-''' i think i am going ma le... haha!!! a little while haiz-ing away, the next moment haha-ing away... siao siao lo... haiz.. i better make some phone calls 2 clear something or i will be dead b4 u noe it...

haiz... i am a stupid fool... i think its time 2 stop all this stupid things le bahz... i think its really damm stupid... i mean... ok.. i am stupid la... cos i am thinking stupidly, acting stupidly... budden others r oso doing stupid things, saying stupid things oso arhz... but dunno y i am the 1 hu suffer the most... haiz...