yeah!!! cream of mushroom and broccoli soups are finalised!!! i think the potato and leek soup oso bahz.. yeah!!! now we can move on le!! yeah!!! damm happy

2day de rain damm scary.. i hate thunder and lightnings... they seriously freak me out lor... till i cry a bit bit.. cos over scared le.. haiz...


i miss the chance, now we can only be normal... am sad...

2day was back in school cooking soup... AGAIN!! imagine cooking soups 4 2 weeks le... and everyday oso got mushrrom soup.. i wanna kill myself le lor.. 2day chef cook let us see, yesterday taught us how 2 cut food.. learnt a lot from chef... he cook the soup once is nice le.. we arh.. cook so many times oso not nice.. sian la... so 2day cook cook lor... then drink drink lor.. morn every1 of my grp members like cannot wake up lor.. i drag myself out of bed de.. and i fell asleep in the bus -_- so damm tired till i nearly over-stop sia...

last night i cried.. i was scared.. haiz..

i hate butterflies in the stomach... i seriously hate it.. but this time.. i hate it even more.. i guess cos its bcos i am having a bad feeling bahz.. dunno y but juz feel tat something not good will happen bahz... or maybe can put is as something tat will not make me happy, something tat will make me unhappy... while chatting away with frens, juz wanna burst out and scream and shout and juz cry out la.. no idea y.. haiz... i need 2 sleep.. tmr haf so much things 2 do.. so sick and tired le.. haiz...

yeah!! finally.. a skin i like.. to high 2 slp now le.. haiz... another sleepless night 4 me...

i seriously haf no 'eye-deer' y all of the sudden, i haf the urge 2 'orh-eh oeh-eh'!!!
ok.. i am being lame and stupid here...
i dunno wat 2 say... pms maybe?

omg!!! last night some1 living at the opposite block of mine either jumoed to death or fell to death.. male or female dunno... i saw the covered body, and the arrivial of the family to recgonise the body... buti haf no idea y, after seeing everything, i was not able 2 fall asleep.. my stomach feel soooooo queasy and i juz wanna puke lor... anf when i did manage 2 sleep, i juz keep having nightmares... horrible...

y do some ppl jump 2 death? dun they find it sad and scary? ending you life in so much pain? haiz...

i am not a strong gal as u think i am.. i do haf many hidden secrets.. i do haf the confidence u think i haf.. do u noe y i sleep so late at night? cos i can cry out softly 2 myself without any1 of u noeing it! do u noe tat i dun even haf the courage 2 go anywhere alone? and when i say anywhere is really anywhere.. i dun even dare 2 walk in tp alone la... sometimes i wish 2 seek consuelling from u.. but i cannot! cos i cannot open up 2 u 2 tell u my stuffs.. i oways swallow back lor.. yes, i admit tat i am in wrong, i did not do anything right... but still, sometimes, maybe, juz sometimes, spare a tot 4 me can? please.. i am afterall not such a strong person... i cried till my hands were numb and pain... my lips were numb they turned purple.. my face was numb.. yet all i could do was juz shout out 2 mummy tat i am fine, i am ok and i am juz resting... do u noe how scared i was tat i might juz pass out? but i am ok le.. so no worries right? haha... and yes, i am sorry 4 wat i haf done... i am very very sorry 4 wat i haf done..
but perheaps juz 2 add on, IG is a place where i destress... after a hard day's work, after being scolded by teachers, tat is the place where i can find 1st hand encouragement! it was oso there tat i found ppl who were willing 2 listen 2 me, who will not laugh when they see me cry, who motivates me and push me on! its not tat u all r not willing 2 listen 2 me i noe, but, i juz feel more comfortable with my frens... i'm very sorry but tat is how i feel... u noe sometimes i juz swallow back my anger and sadness, but its at IG where i can let things out! its a place where i feel i am at myself best? i dunno... i feel complicated... but i really wan u 2 noe how i feel... i hope u wun get angry by this, but i juz wanna let u noe how i feel only...

sorry...
very sorry...

2day went 4 poly forum de duty... kind of slack from 11.30am till 2.30am, then from 3.30pm till 5.30pm... sian de lor.. haha!!! go there tok cok crap and laugh nia de lor... then saw all the poly de students lor.. then met tp de students oso... hug hug, say bye bye then left le lor... then came home le lor... ya...


2day can say my mood is lighten le bahz? hehe... ah bu! i MIGHT not give up 4 me le so relax... haha!!!

these few days like got a 'lump' in my throat.. u noe like tat kind like... u wanna cry le, then your throat like pain pain like tat de? ya... tat is how i am feeling these few days.. no idea y.. no tears de lehz.. haha!!!
anyways, 2day ly and xy came over 2 play mahjong.. had fun! haha!!! xy lose, me and ly won... then.. after tat i drank some alcohol again la.. 1st time drinking during day time.. headache!!! slept from 7 plus till 8 plus wake up.. and i was like damm giddy and head damm pain lor.. dun understand y day time drink so uncomfortable, night time drink shiok shiok nothing wrong... ya...


i think i MIGHT be giving up soon? i dunno la.. see how la.. haha!!! something called 'shun qi zi ran'...

woot! 2day went out again... haha!!! went 2 career fair recommended by miss mah.. who noes go there nothing relavent 2 us de lor! in the end we only saw the casino booth and left le, went 4 the computer games fair instead... haha!!! alesia pick me up and send me home.. haha!!! cos she manage 2 get the car from her mum.. haha!!!

i did enjoyed myself.. but it was oso saddening... wun mention wat happened le... its a past... hopefully maybe next time can be better bahz... will i ever get wat i wan? hmm.. i think not :(

i think maybe sometimes its time 2 let go? haiz.. i am seriously kind of very sad now.... i dun wish 2 lose u... i really dun wish 2 lose u...

yawnz!!! haha!!! i am so darn tired le... last night was a bit bit high la... des and mel came over my hosue 2 play mahjong mahz...
7pm: meet mel and watch the rt movie which is very nice...
8.45pm: movie starts
10.30pm: movie ends
10.50pm: met des at 27 bus stop, take bus 2 hougang
11.20pm: run 2 catch the bus 325 to my house
11.30pm: home sweet home and bath time 4 me... b4 tat let des tried out the electric leg massager, which made him shocked! haha!!!
11.45pm: all gather at my room and tok cok...
12 plus pm: mahjong starts
12plus till 4plus am: play play play, tok tok tok, sing sing sing, eat eat eat, drink drink drink... the 2 of them knock out le... des sleep on my bedroom floor, mel on my bed.. i was watching my movie on comp and doing my mp...
6am: wake mel up so tat she can go 4 work on time.. des was super pig, cannot manage 2 wake him, so let him sleep on lor...
6.30am: walk with mel out 2 bus stop
6.35am: reach home again and had a 'tan pan' session with daddy and mymmu abt whether des could stay on... dad was furious, mum was ok, cos kor was coming home, so he was allowed 2 stay on...
7.30am: kor reach home, i can finally nap for a while le!!!
9am: woken up by the noisy construction site from srjc.. went 2 see mr pigg des and he was still asleep! wow!
9.30am: abt 2 wake des up when i realise he no longer in my room le.. looked down the stairs and saw a bright orange head.. O.o, he wake up lo...
9.40am: pei des walk out 2 bus stop... wait with him 4 bus then i go home le...
10.20am: typing here, dunno wat else 2 write le...

haf 2 say sorry, i din do anything to get wat i wan... felt odd la, so din really did anything special lor... ting asked, lay yian asked, boon asked and mel even created opportunities, but i juz din do wat i was suppose 2 do... no guts la... pls lor, walk out oso din tok much le.. guess every1 too tired le la... sad case sad case...

yeah!! 2day i super super high!!! cos wen 2 k mahz.. haha!!! but 2wards the end then my voice start 2 come out, i start 2 get into the mood 2 sing and etc.. and i am gonna master the song ni guang by stef sun.. haha!! and oso the wo men de ji nian ri hopefully? haha!!!
tmr is mp interview.. i feel like dying now.. clash with another meeting i haf.. sad.. bo bian.. haf 2 be late 4 the other meeting lo...

wed will be fun, thurs will be fun.. wat abt fri?? hmmm...

2day is the day 4 me 2 submit my mp proposal.. sianz... but its good!! past 2 weeks haf been like coming 2 school almost everyday? tat is more sian la.. i dun mind 2 come back 2 school 4 fun.. but 2 do something so sian like proposal.. well, its juz sian la... but wat 2 do.. after mp then relax le lor.. haiz... 2day submit le wed jiu haf interview le.. i scared scared...dunno wat will come out 4 the interview sia... but still looking 4wards 2 wed, cos at least morn got meeting 4 me 2 somewat look 4ward 2? thou oso scared scared la.. cos heard ppr this year gonna be different le.. alamak!!! haha!!! *ready and prepared 4 a super de duper hectic and busy sem ahead*
and i realise.. there are so many many blur sotongs ard!!! haha!!! yes, and tta includes me as 1 :P cos i can be really blur la... haha!!! but i not the blurest thou :P haha!!!

yepz, me getting higher and more happy as the days goes by, and i haf no idea y... is tat good or is tat bad??

i am currently burried under the pile of mp awaiting me... sianzzzz.... imagine having 2 work even over the weekend... haiz... tired de nehz...
anyways.. 2day i play the role of an emo gal... dunno y all of a sudden i juz tot back a things tat were past which caused me great pain and sadness... i will never 4get the time ard this time 1 year ago... kind of like.. haiz... nevermind.. shall not state wt happened here.. shall look 4ward 2 he future.. say.. like next week? haha!!!

monday: school 2 complete mp proposal and submit by 5pm
tuesday: morn out with wei ting 2 buy monkey de present. then lunch with monkey, then k box with ting and some other frens
wed: morn meeting, afternoon mp proposal interview cum evaluation by a mysterious interviewer
thurs: mahjong with des, mel and some1 dunno hu yet
fri: i think should be free finally? shopping 4 clothes maybe? out maybe? child care maybe? aunt's house maybe?

still got zoo trip, night safari trip, more cooking in lab, more mp, more meetings, more jobs, more taskes, more shopping 2 be done!!!!!


i nearly fainted twice 2day.. cos past few days i only slept an average 2 to 3 hours a day... kind of busy like mad la... hmm.. then... ya... erm.. i oso dunno wat i wanna say la.. thanks 2 those hu pei me chat up 2 the wee hours of the morning so tat i can stay awake and do my stuffs... ya.... now proposal is almost done, i think i can sleep a little more le bahz.. if they say eveytime u sleep 1 hour less than 8hours, your life shotern by a year and u will need 7 days of sleep 2 get back tat 1 year, then i haf lost more than 25 years of my life for the past week le... then accumulating since sec school, i should be dead by now.. might not even be able 2 haf been born sia! haha!!!