彬彬的心声

2011-12-10T09:50:00.004+08:00

ahhhh dusty here huh???

anyways, nothing much.. life's ok la :P

and...

Chun Ying Shifu! HELLO! ^_^ hahaha!!! Its amazing you found my blog. Haha! We're all fine in Singapore. Well, health conditions maybe a little less than fine for me, since i fell ill quite several times :P My heart condition has improved loads thou, with me eating the tibetian medicine. It has really helped a lot and i hardly have any pain or discomfort now :) Shifu has also brought me to see the Chinese doctor in KL, so he's helping to fine tune my body too :)
I've also officially ended my studies for my degree course and have scored pretty well for my last exam ^_^ I was stressed out so much by my exams previously that i broke down really badly. But it turned out that i scored the best for the paper that i cried the most.

Take care Shifu and see you around April or May ^_^

2011-08-22T11:07:00.002+08:00

i'm so happy! i dreamt that eun hyuk celebrated my birthdya with me ^_^

well, it's juz a dream, and it'll only 4ever be a dream...

2011-05-24T21:58:00.002+08:00

it has been a long long time... i haf good news 2 share!

1) my heart condition has gotten better and tis on the road 2 recovery ^_^

2) i woke up today from my late morning nap 2 realise that i can now face life well, in the sense, i've FINALLY gotten over my 2 to 3 ex-good-friends... somehow, i juz knew, i've gotten over, and i'm much more happier ^_^ the past is the past, and so, who needs 2 cares so much?! juz grow and learn!!! ^_^

and sooooo....

Linda ang! i forgive u for all the hurt you've ever caused me! cya ard! :)

to jonathan and desmond, thanks for helping me grow up! hope we can still remain friends! ^_^

well, thanks 2 all my best buddies who were 4ever there for me 2 listen! thanks man!!!! ^_^

2011-03-12T23:20:00.002+08:00

这几天日本发生了许多地震以及海啸。。。听到一则又一则的新闻，我第一次感到如此的心痛，如此的难过。我有哭，而且，一开始哭就很难停下来。。。愿大家都能平安无事，世界每个角落都无灾难，大家都能平平安安的过日子。我不要求一定要快乐，但至少有地方可以住，有食物能吃，有水能喝，有医药能治，这样就够了。求求您了，佛菩萨！

hmm juz updates bahz... was hospitalized last last week... well, heart rate was 118 per min... at hospital, everything was normal, so doc send me home saying she can't do anything -_- well, i'm now on my way 2 recovery, having less pains.. i believe i'll be ok SOON ^_^ but the disasters these days have showed that my pain is nothing.. learning the new showered me with even more pain... it hurts..

2011-01-26T13:44:00.001+08:00

i lost sleep le... was it a good choice 2 take the initiative? was it a good choice to set a trap, and now that the trao has turned ard and bite my own hands... i felt happy, but at the same time, scared, worried and even a little sad... how how how???!!! i've been dreaming non-stop, and missing non stop as well...... :(

2011-01-20T10:39:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of him once again.. again, it was sweet dream.. but this time round, there was also sadness in the dream. he bought his gf along to our gathering... i couldn't stop crying... he was close to me, yes, but his gf was there as well, so how much could i even step 4ward? his gf was afriad of me, cos she say i looked fierce.. he ignored her and i had 2 go coax her.. how nice of me huh? how cum i still can't 4get him till this day.. why... :'(

2011-01-04T22:52:00.001+08:00

this will be my fave pic in a long while... ^_^ love it loads!

2010-12-28T22:34:00.002+08:00

as i was listening to this song on my way home 2night, i cried... all that was in my mind was mr D....

song: 没有你的每一天
artisit: 徐婕儿
lyrics:
回家的路总是很远
话少得很可怜
一个人的晚餐
都是孤单的滋味
看见身边重复上演
属于我们的画面
选择逃避的眼
怎么还是会流泪

爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍

没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉

我舍不得睁开眼睛
害怕身边没有你
也许在梦境里
是我们最近的距离
想念你温热的手心
冷风里把我握紧
当冬天又来临
这温度该怎么延续

爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍

没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉

谢谢你曾经爱过我
给我最美的经过
但生命最爱被剥夺
未来的路该怎么走

爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍

没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉

没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉
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我真的，很想念，很想念，很想念你。哪怕只是能再见到你一眼，我也会很高兴，很快乐。怎么办，我真的无法忘记你。我已经把你深深的刻在我的内心的最深处了。曾经那么爱你，但不敢说出口。如今失去了你，我有后悔，也很难过。放下，我做不到。我有尝试过，我以为我做到了，但今晚，我发现，我的心里，还是你。怎么办？好痛苦！啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！！！！！

2010-12-26T09:43:00.002+08:00

no idea what happened... u keep crying and yet u refuse 2 say y.... don't u know that seeing u like this i am hurt to? i am in pain too? y is it that i am always worried about u... u should know what to do! haven't u learnt enough? i'm suffocating!!!! sometimes, i really juz wanna run away from here and just get it done... but i noe, this cannot be carried out.. we are all link, in 1 way or another... u cry tears, while my heart bleeds... but do u noe? u ignore....

2010-12-18T23:19:00.003+08:00

the feeling of freedom i thought i want did not come. instead, i'm feeling even more alone and more lonely... i really feel like i could break down... why is this so? :( :( :(

heart has been acting up very badly these few weeks... its difficult 2 sleep at night... sometimes, by bed time, i secretly hope that my heart could stop and let me go... sometimes... cos its really a struggle to fight against the pain, to fight against the disability to breath properly, to fight against the irregular heartbeat, to fight against the huge impact as if the heart wants to jump out from the chest, the pain caused by so many many of these strange heartbeats... these few night have been a very extremely bad struggle despite medication.. what should i do next.. fear is the only word to describe how i'm feeling now... fear... i have no courage to see doctor, no courage to go for an operation, no courage... no courage... no courage...

2010-12-15T09:16:00.002+08:00

wow.. time flies.... less than a month to school again -_- updates?

i had a 'good time' taking up the 8 precepts for 7 days, out of which, 2 days clashed wit h the friday chantings and thus, i cannot chat with people for once... well, have to thank sister annie and chun yi shifu for giving me the chance to take up these precepts. its was a different experience, 1st being that there is only the 2 of us taking up this precept and thus, its very different from those who took up the precepts under organized situations... thru these 7days, i learnt a lot of myself, understanding myself, and also to improve myself...

te yuan shifu was off to myanmmar with chun hui shifu and chun zhi shifu... went to the temple on most days while they were gone, 1st to take the 8 precepts, 2nd to help out. when chun hui shifu and chun zhi shifu came back, chun nian shifu and chun qing shifu went off to meet her for a retreat... chun yi shifu left on the 8th for a retreat too.. her little mickey boy thus started to follow me ard the temple... muahahaha!!! went everyday from the 8th till 13th to help out.. really not enough ppl le.. plus i could do the bell drum!!! yahoo! haha! well, had a good time there la ^_^

meeting shan later to go walk walk... then meething her and aeng and nee this sat to go out too... then 29th going USS, 30th going zooo... yesa!!!

fri till monday family away for hols,, i'll thus report to temple almost daily again :D

2010-10-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

long long time since i update le wor... well.. i'll try 2 keep it brief...

12-19th oct was spent in PKFT cos annie was away at PKS for a retreat, while teacher and ven. chun hui were away in thailand for master TNH monastic retreat.. so i was 'recalled' to PKFT to help out with annie's sister, Helen. apart from helping out, i studied a lot a lot!
day 1 was ok la... was more busy cos helen was totally new so had 2 guide her along quite much...
day 2 helen was sick, so was left to share the workload with chun nian shifu. chun yi shifu made me lunch :D hehe!!! the 3 black and white cats were up with me in the main shrine, accompanying me while i clean.. so happy! and mei ling was with me studying in the library! haha!
day 3, 4 and 5 nothing much le...clean as usual and study lor. except that little mickey has taken a liking to accompanying me instead of his master. he'll spend the afternoon sleeping on the chair next 2 me, while he'll normally do that in his shifu's room. only later did i learn that he was hiding from his shifu cos he dun wan 2 eat medicine -_- chun nian shifu oso spent some days 2 stduy with me. she caught me dozing off while studying cos i was tired so she made me a drink to replenish my energy and oso gave me some 2 bring home so that i can drink as and when i need it :)
day 6 the 2 venerables return from their trip with the malaysian shifus. helen and me went up to the main shrine to welcome back teacher. it was my 1st time doing so and it was a nice feeling :D
day 7 annie come back lo... but i still clean la, cos she had errands to run etc... was once again on the bell-drum and i made several mistakes :P

from the 20th onwards i was more like full time studying at PKFT for my exams...
23rd had the buddhist conference at PKS, which took up the whole day from 7 to 7. was tired and slept immediately when i got home -_-
26 was guan yin dan, spent whole day at temple once again. was very happy cos i found out how 2 rid off some of my stupid emotions :D and quite a handful of people called me the 开心果 of PKFT ^_^

send SOS to chun hui shifu on sunday night, the 24th, cos i was so anxious bout my exams.. she taught me how 2 clam down and chat a little with me over the phone for a while... i was calm and super relax the next day that i had no problems doing any of the BF questions! haha! super happy. the shifu all say i was a silly girl to worry so much.. haha!!!

had many cakes and now i'm coughing badly -_-

2010-09-25T10:08:00.002+08:00

i had a dream last night... i dunno whether 2 call it weird, strange or sweet :P main characters were me, seng and desmond! weird enough? then seng in dream was working in a shopping centre and i was out with my family and des was with us. then there was a lot of conversation between seng and me! then there was this period which i went 2 the ladies, then 3 guys entered the toilet and use it as well! nvm that, the toilet door lock was on the top of the door and i din noe how 2 lock it till the 3 guys, who were using the cubicle next 2 mine show me how 2 lock. weird? cos the toilet was so short! then when i was out, my hp was given 2 seng, who was unlocatable for a while. he asked me 2 lunch with him which i said ok, budden i ended up looking for him with des holding hands -_- seng sulked then in the end i had 2 apologise 2 des for using him, and his reply for being the part-time bf was : 不要紧，那感觉还蛮爽的，蛮不错的。he said this smiling kz!!! i was totally shock! and then we were at some super old bus interchange of the past -_- weird and sweet all mixed up. i'm sure those reading noes where the sweet parts are :D

2010-09-23T10:16:00.002+08:00

oh freaky! i dreamt of seng!! he seem so real in the dream! i haven seen him for years liao!!

i dunno izzit i did something wrong 2 receive her 'this' attitude.. but shouldn't she be well-practiced and not show this kind of favourtism? or am i thinking too much? i oways feels she dun like me... not hate, but dun like... or izzit cos she has noe me long enough so she think its alright to protray true self? hmmm... i wonder... currently, i juz feeling weird, but well, i shall just noe and observe :D

2010-09-10T22:09:00.002+08:00

有时，当你想找位朋友，或一个人出来陪你聊聊天时，但你又找不到任何人，那感觉真沮丧，就像现在的我，只能说‘咳’。

2010-09-06T08:27:00.002+08:00

七月法会已结束。去年，我诵经。今年，我变成护法，帮助法会成功地举行。地藏忏时，不知何故，看着师父们带领着大众，大家一起虔诚地诵经时，我默默地掉了一些眼泪。蒙山时，听着云龙法师唱诵忏悔文时，我努力地让自己不哭，不知为什么，但那感觉就像我做错了千千万万的错事使的，眼泪又掉了下来。而aunty betsy 和师公教了我一个月半的十方，也走得非常成功。当时的我好紧张，手和脚都抖惨了！还好，只有我的妈妈察觉到我有发抖。我以为大家都会诵经，没时间看我。没想到，法会议结束，大家都来祝贺我时，我才发现，道场的大家都在看！就连纯乙师父都在看。我并不是不知道大家的眼睛都有望着我，因为，礼完纯乙师父后，我一转身，就能感觉到大众炉那有非常多双眼睛看着我，但奇怪的是，她们的眼神却带给我安全感。十方走的非常成功，我真的很高兴！
法会结束了，是时候我开始努力读书了！手上还有纯清师父要我做的照相簿，我一定会努力的！^_^

2010-08-21T11:53:00.002+08:00

今年的生日过得非常有意义，非常不一样。我很高兴！详细今晚我回来再说 ^_^

this year birthday had been different. i made dana to shifu! all of them! hehe! i can only say its the best ever present i give to myself! well, chun yi shifu, chun hui shifu, annie, debbie, francia, little annie and adeline oso made a marvellous card for me! and i got a little care bear and a new backpack! there was no celebration but i was out there doing good. as shifu say: and so passes your birthday in a different way... well, it has indeed been different. but more and more, i'm seeing it as a date only... i dun expect ppl 2 remember it anymore... but if they do and send their wishes, that's better than anything presents they can give ^_^

2010-08-15T00:00:00.001+08:00

2010-08-14T23:56:00.001+08:00

2010-08-13T13:13:00.001+08:00

2010-08-12T12:45:00.000+08:00

2010-08-11T16:21:00.001+08:00

2010-08-09T01:46:00.003+08:00

i was reading some archieve posts just now. till now, i wonder if i have the courage to mentioned your names here that i really fell for u back then? seriously, there were 2 of u... i tot i've 4gotten, but somehow, as i read, the memories came back... but i'll assure, its 95% sweet memories, 5% or less of sad memories... both of u have been extremely sweet to me back then. but at the same time, both of u broke my heart the worst, in different ways. as i saw into msn, both of u are in the same category tat i created, and at this point of time, both of u are online. the possibility of u guys reading this is extremely slim, seeing that i no longer talk 2 u. but i dun deny, i really do miss u.. if only, i could have the chance, i would like to see u once more, and tll u how i felt back then. i dun expect any return answer. but what good is there to tell u how i feel? for all i noe, u may juz laugh at me for my foolishness, as if any of u would have returned the feeling, its all juz wishful thinking on my part... but esp D, i would really like to know... what were u thinking back then? i noe its pointles to know now, seeing some decisions i've already made... but i would really like to know out of curiousity...

seeing that this is the end of my blog, can i mention the names finally? i think not... see, my courage fails me once more... maybe there can be some help from my dear frens? :P

若忘不了，那又何曾叫做放下呢？

ah no!!! i really need 2 4get and let go!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-08T23:02:00.002+08:00

今天发生了很多事情。虽然只是一个下午，但我却经历了许多不同的感受。跟乙师的谈话让我有一种想哭的冲动。因为她的道歉，我说出了憋在心里许久的种种感受，也发现我其实受到许多不需要的冤枉。
今天，我也见证了缅甸佛教徒的诚心。他们实在比新加坡信徒虔诚多了。听到他们一起诵经，我不经意地起了鸡皮疙瘩。看到这么这么多的信徒到来，我感动了！连外头的梯级都坐满人，虽然看不到，但他们都非常诚恳地听开示。有时，我觉得，我们很多人其实都活在福中不知福。是时候我们好好地学习了！大家，珍惜现在所有的一切吧！

2010-08-04T09:40:00.001+08:00

2day will be my 1st time doing the bell-drum!!! i'm happy but a bit nervous la... hopes everyting will go well!!! :D

2010-06-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

i'm really very surprised. i went to PKFT today to help them look after the temple while they went out. well, had a list of things to do from CHSF, and waiting in line was the cleaning up of the 3 shrines plus the Bodhi Tree. had a talk with CHSF cos she asked my about my visit to doctor lai. well, the doc say i'm under stress and that's the reason why i'm having gastric and a warm stomach. he asked me if i'm stressed? i said no! but shifu told me an immediate YES! YOU ARE STRESSED!!! and she told me the reasonS la, which then i realised, how can she know me better than i know myself, and she knows how i'm feeling on that day when i don't really know! i'm totally awed and amazed!!! and once again, i nearly broke down in front of her, but i fought back but i think she could tell i was about to burst out. i don't think i have the courage to cry in front of her once again, after the so many things that she has taught me! if i cry in front of her, it will seem like all that she has taught me has gone down the drain. well, i shall watch myself and practice more. i'm actually happy, CYSH has been teaching me the bell-drum set of instrument. hehe, quite fun :P enjoyed! will be there every sunday to practice with debs!!! ^_^

thank you very much to all the shifus!!! they know why, i think :)

2010-06-09T22:50:00.001+08:00

uncle has passed away... may he rest in peace....

2010-05-29T19:41:00.003+08:00

Vesak this year had been very extremely meaningful to me... really... i helped shifu in the preparation of the exhibitions... starting 3 weeks ago.. from the captions, to photo selection, buying materials, developing etc etc... all the way from scratch, till seeing the exhibits being put up 1 by 1, and then the devotees coming to look at them, seeing smiles on their faces etc.. all this simple processes made me smile wide too... i felt so happy, i felt like crying! i made ppl smile!!! vesak day itself was nice. the candle light porcession was something i have never seen b4.. so so so so so so nice!!! every1 chanting 2getehr LOUDLY! every1 has smiles on their face while the procession was in progress, every1 receiving the blessings etc etc... everything tat happened was juz so touching! i cried... crying from happiness.. i can't describe it! but its happiness that i've never felt b4... its different from the type of 'happy' tat we normally feel... there was appreciation, kindness and many other types of emotions going on at the same time! its juz so amazing! when i went back 2 keep everything 2day, i felt proud of myself, that i was able to make many happy! emotions were running thru me while i kept the exhibits...

but, on the contrary, i do feel a bit bad too.. cos i feel that i din help shifu enough, in the sense that i was slow, blur and .. not very well organized? she said that i'm new.. yet, i knew myself tat i could haf done better! its ok, there i oways a next year! ^_^

thank you very much Shifus! for giving me the chance to so a meritous job, to be able to help others, to be able to benifits others... thank you all very much for the guidances and oso being able to put up with nonsense-filled me :P thank you to other volunteers who help too... my 'lao-ma-zi' who taught me a lot, and haf been bearing up with noisy me too... alicia for oways being with me etc etc.. so many many more! debbie, francia.. thanks a lot too!!! ^_^

2010-05-17T22:06:00.003+08:00

exams is over!!!

but somehow, i seem more busy huh.. lol!!!
chun ying shifu is back from india for a 2 months break! so i'm helping her with the exhibits for vesak... seems 2 be never ending work de nehz! lolzz!!! at the same time, i'm helping chun hui shifu with notes and other things for vesak too!!! i need more time, better time management, and more rest! muahahahaha!!! thou i'm busy, i am happy :D

wat is after vesak? hmmmm.... lol!

2010-04-17T23:27:00.003+08:00

梁皇宝忏法会已圆满落幕。一切都进行得非常顺利。此刻的我感觉到非常多的不舍得，但也同时感到非常快乐。因为看到自己所付出的努力而能够让法会成功，那种高兴，那种感动是不能够通过语言所表达出来的。今天傍晚我跟许多信徒在厨房后面玩闹了一下，大家都笑得很开心。德度师父甚至问他们为什么会跟我这么好。但大家都找不到答案，就只知道跟我谈得来，玩得来。现在回想起所做的一切，所付出的，我真的好想哭啊! 但世上的总总都是无常的，所以要懂得放。

sincerely thanks those who have supported me, giving me guidiance, guiding me, showing me LOADS of patience etc. sincerely, thank u from the bottom of my heart! :D

2010-03-21T15:12:00.002+08:00

i feel so angry with myself! i'm feeling, experienceing and doing the wrong things when i noe tat i'm not suppose 2 be tat way! why? why can't i applied what i've learnt and accept things as they are?! why must i still have those stupid idoitic emotions?!?!!?!

2010-03-14T01:13:00.003+08:00

2day from 8plus am was at PKFT le.. hmm did duty full day bahz? haha! morning taught some1 new.. then afternoon hui yin came in but ya, i din manage 2 study -_- this is getting bad.. i'm gonna chiong project 2night and tmr! cos monday morning got duty too.. so tmr muz sleep... so muz finish by tmr.. lunch with shifus was a quiet affair.. but the food was nice!!! we did talk later thou.. somehow, i think the more elderly shifus like to make fun of me.. haha! dunno y... yep.. stayed till 5plus, meet debbie for dinner at market, went back. then move everything upstairs to continue duty... then had class, then after class continue duty till ard 10 bahz.. had a talk with shifu.. i broke down in front of her.. was embarassed but din felt as pai-seh tat i tot i would be.. haha! busy day 2day! :) but every1 was very nice.. really, i felt very touched and happy :)
oh! kitty mei ling kind of nearly destryied my pants!! she jumped on me again 2day. but she wanted me 2 caryy her to walk ard -_- so she was 'scratching' my laps thou it din hurt la.. refuse to go off my lap -_- but it was nice cuddling her ^_^

2010-03-12T23:45:00.003+08:00

2day is another fruitful day! haha! or i should say more fun? :P
morning went PKFT at 8.45am to do duty till 12noon.. no one really came to sign up but i did pick up a few phone calls.. played a lot with kitty Mei Ling today! cos Annie went out without 'telling' her so she came looking for me. but i was studying at a moment so wasn't really bothered with her.. and miss kitty jump up on my lap while i was studying! i got a shock but was ok. i told her to go down and wait till Annie comes back, but she was quite persistant for me to give her food i think, i so hop up the table and sat on my notes! until a kind lasy came and ask me 'she bully u arh?' and somehow, Mei was scared of her.. haha!!! but poor Mei threw a tantrum, or maybe she was tired bahz.. so she kind of refused to move about -_- hmmm DXSF kinf od freaked me out 2day.. she saw me carrying my bag, then the following happened:
DXSF: u going home arh?
me: ya, go home to eat so wun be eating with u shifu le :)
DXSF: no! u cannot go home! (fiercly!)
me: huh?
DXSF: NO! U CANNOT GO HOME! I WUN LET U GO HOME!
me: huh?
DXSF: u muz eat with us 1st then u can go home!

i was totally shocked but shifu laughed cos she managed to scare me -_- but ok la.. i made her day! haha! DYSF also asked me to stay and eat with them.. but i had lunch home today.. i will be eating with them tmr thou ^_^ and DDSF made me eat oragnes 2day too! haha! but ok la, i wanted 2 eat oso de :P

then at night went PKFT again at 6.45 like tat to do more duty.. wow!! busy man! to many ppl came and sign up for things! well, stayed in the partition for both the shifu's lesson and chanting cos had to jagar the money... then stayed till like 10 then went home.. but well, had fun.. and shifus are expecting me tmr morning again! ^_^ and i'll be there till 10 again! haha!!!

2010-03-10T22:09:00.002+08:00

i went PKFT to do my HMT assignment 2day! damm shiok!!! cos managed to understand and do a lot! ^_^ yeah! sat another full day there! yahoo!!! ^_^
talk with different shifus today.. or should i say chat? well, chat seems to be a wrong word to use in this case.. should say an exchange of words bahz :) DDSF, DXSF, CYSF, CHSF, Annie, Shi-Gong a bit la, even DYSF also talked a bit with us. did 晚课 and then, well, yep, cos we ate dinner with them.. it was a quiet but fun affair? haha! cos it was as wat Annie or CYSF said, 'its party time?' cos we had love letters, different types of nuts and fruits after the actual dinner! haha! and of course verything was vegeterian. but the food was so nice thou simple! yummy! but i think thru dinner time fran and me were kind of nervous.. i think she was kind of shocked that we were sitting with shifus on the same table to eat.. haha! after dinner, wash up, then sweep the floor ard bodhi tree, then went back in to rest and wait for a lift to our repective night classes.. cos yep, juz nice fren de taught by CYSF, mine taught by DYSF. so followed them.. ya.. was a bit pai seh.. kept thanking annie and DYSF :p saw CNSF and CQSF while we walked towards the car.. haha! i was feeling a little scared when i saw their car and i dunno y.. lol! haha! ya.. so went for class then home le lor :D

2010-03-07T16:51:00.005+08:00

weow!!! 2 months plus never upload le!!! many things haf happened... update by months in summary...
Jan:
1) it seems that mr d has refused 2 acknowledge my pressence le.. so... i'm learning to say goodbye to him le... yea.. and when its goodbye, it will be goodbye... wun see u ever again...
2) had class gathering at inght safari.. was unique and fun! haha!
3) had dinner with su hua, which was supposed to happen since last year aug but drag till ya.. now.. lol!!!
4) started to go for CYSF's wed classes at pu min shi. was a different kind of class to me, but i find it more relaxed and enjoyable ^_^
5) celebrated pt and zk bro's birthdays, simple and nice :D

Feb:
1) had a dinner at ale's place.. she and me cooked dinner and we enjoyed all the food! haha!!! talked and had fun... ale drove wt and sj home and i went with her juz in case she lost the way or fell asleep.. reached home ard 1plus 2 :P haha!!!
2) had a girls gathering at JUMBO!!! shan din come cos she was rushing assignments so can't blame her.. food was nice! atmosphere was nice! many pics taken.. (the last time i took 72 with ale before she fly back to aussie)
3) arrival of CNY, had reunion dinner with some ppl.. not really convenient to mention who here.. dinner was nice, many family photos taken! ^_^ really nice! then as usual, 1st day was spent at uncle's house, playing cards. 2nd day din really go out but only to temple, details later.. 3rd day uncles house again.
4) 2nd day of CNY was spent at temple as mentioned. gong yang all the shifus as well as some external shifus. then had prayers and then lunch. then stay back with debbie and fran to watch a video... but left early for doc, cos i was down with FOOD POISIONING!!! ya.. but i was not the only one, only just that i was the most serious case -_- was down for ard 1 week till..
5) 22nd feb, ninth day of cny, had gong tian at PKFT as well as medicine buddha chanting. gong tian happened at 3.30am.. debbie was kind to fetch me there ^_^ then pray till 6.30am, then at 7.30am had candlelight duty. fran was on duty with me.. haha! then had chanting, thou i think i dozed off most of the time :P sorry!!! then lunch with lye wah and ping ping [there is another buddha fren by the name of pingping :)] then ya... follow lye wah while she teach me the duties ard the temple so that i can do her duty next time... then went home le lor.. haha!
6) had some mid-term test.. think wun do really well for PM but MAB ok de!! :D
7) lost my voice not because of sore throat.. my voice cord was swollen and infected.. dun as me y cos i oso dunno... but lost vocie is really lost... not juz say very little voice.. its really NO VOICE!!! it was bad... so ppl, treasure the time when u are able to speak :)
8) went to see wei ting and alesia off at the airport.. wt cried, alesia was holding back i think... i only cried when i nearly got home.. i'm sad they haf 2 go back... but, i believe december will come around very very soon! ^_^ WILL MISS U GIRLS!!! KEEP IN CONTACT SOMEHOW!!!! ^_^
9) wed classes at kmspks, fridays at PKFT resumed, sat meditation class started, chantings on the 1sat and 15th day resumed... well, shifu has told our names to some other volunteers, so tat we can help them some days.. well, haf more duty la.. but its good :D wun let it affect my school work de :)

march:
shifu has added some duties for me cos i'm comfortable with chinese.. so yea.. long story, difficult to exlpain so skip :P
dad's birthday.. going out for dinner lo!!! yeah!

2010-02-05T10:26:00.000+08:00

为什么我会是个这么大的大傻瓜！！？？？

2010-01-17T20:48:00.002+08:00

2day is a fruitful day!!!!!! i'm so happy! and i feel a great sense of accomplishment! ^_^ since moreing 7plus, i spent more than 12 hours at PKFT! cleaning up the doors, windows, rooms, shrine shelfs, buddha statues, buddha images, buddha scripts, sanga books, floor etc etc! really feel soo sooo happy to see everything so clean!!! well, have to thank CHSF for giving me the chance to accumulate these merits ^_^ and well, bcos of ms debbie, now CYSF oso noes who i am le. haha!!! it was an akward moment for me -_- but yea, i'm glad :) DDSH joked with me, cleaned up shi gong's room, annie's door etc. well, its a different feeling altogether ^_^ stayed till nearly 8pm then left. CHSF made for us orange milkshake! it was nice!!! ^_^ ok, i'm really really happy! ^_^ it made me 4got all my troubles for the day too ^_^ well, till school again :)

so i'm going back for sat meditation, as well as CYSF wed classes ^_^

2010-01-13T18:23:00.002+08:00

recently, i juz realise that i really really missed 'table' loads... its juz sort of come suddenly and i have no idea why!!! i dunno why but i juz dun really like the feeling of missing someone. i'm angry with myself. why can't i juz let it go?! i oways thought that i have let it go and not let it affect me le... but i guess i'm wrong... will there be another chance for me to see you once again? will there be a chance when you can explain to me why did u juz left me without any explanation, without a word? i'm juz angry with myself...

and today, unlucky me... i saw a bustard, who once hurt me so so so badly in the past. i saw him 2day, and i dunno y, i juz started crying! i'm scared of losing my frens once again! he made me lose my frens once before, he tarnished my name once before, to loads of people whom i do not know. i really dun wish 2 see him in school... he's there and so is she... i juz hope that they wun hurt me any further. my head hung low the whole time when i was crossing the plaza, for fear of them or their frens, who might spot me, and then the scariest thing, for fear that history will once again repeat itself, and i'll lose everyone dear to me in school... i'll juz pretend i do not know you, and u did not exist in my life at all...

2009-12-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

christmas this year has been... different? well, different cos i've been spending time with friends of my friends! haha! it has been fun thou.
christmas eve: watching alvin and the chipmunks 2 with shan and her 2 frens, xiang ling and jian ren, thou i did not even speak one word to jian ren except for thank you, and with xiang ling, well, we had fun bullying shan :P then at night, went with ting and a guy name josh for sherlock holmes! watched the 11.30pm de show, reached home ard 3am :P but well, had fun thou.

was extremely tired, but still went to PKFT on christmas day itself. had a small talk with DYSF and CHSF as well, cos well, gong yang them la. then was asked to go help out on the 17th of jan, which yes, i agree to go. went home ard 10 cos of the talking.

26th: lunch with meili at NYNY, the food not as nice le :( and the dun haf the food i want anymore. haiz. broke some news to her, she's shock but otherwise ok :P then night time had a last lesson at PKFT, which will once again commence next year, but on a tuesday le. thou i think i might continue for a sat lesson.. hmmm... well, reached early, ask questions as normal :P a baby boy named matthew came! he's sooooo cute!!!! played with him, help 2 take care of him and ya. was fun :P haha!! lesson ended, gong yang CNSF, played with matthew a bit more then go home le

fever and cold come knocking on my door, and i stupidly opened the door and welcomed them in to sit. now, they refuse 2 leave -_-

2009-12-21T10:03:00.002+08:00

yesterday was a long long long long day... woke up at 5plus am to get ready to go the PKFT to go to an animal protection farm in malaysia. report at 7.15 at PKFT, DY shifu came down and gave a little talk, then we left le. 3 buses, lead by DYSF, CHSF and CNSF. i was with DYSF, thou thru the day spent time to talk to the other 2, and well, pluck up courage to take photos with them :P haha!!! i think CNSF will laugh out real loud if she see one pic of hers in my cam :P haha!! anyways, all the animlas in the protection farm have a stpry behind them... thru the trip, i wanted 2 cry so many times! cos, seriously, the animals were very poor thing de. i am a person who is very scared of snakes de. but i nearly wanted 2 cry at the sight of one to the snake. its tail has been chopped off by some not very nice people. so when it was saved by the farm animals, they tried to sew it back for the snake but well, they were not able to! and now, the snake has no ends. imagine this, if u lose one of your feet? how will it feel? its almost exactly the same feeling! then there is also this dog, who keeps barking, cos it thinks humans are very bad cos it was injured by humans. it barked till it has no more voice le! and its also blind in an eye and limping a bit! my heart really goes out to these animals...
but its also an 'adventureous' trip for me. i overcome part of my fears for snakes, i touch some pigs, goats, porccupine and had my hand peckked by the ostrich! haha! all thanks to the shifus who say to overcome your fears, the best way is to face them! DYSF was the one who asked me to feel the 'fur' of the pig, cos she knew that i've never touched nor seen a pig soo big before! (p.s the size of the pigs are enormous! cos normally, at half their current size, they are killed to be consumed by humans) well, i can only say the pig's fur is hard!! as hard as hay! its even harder than the baby porccupines spikes! then i was with DYSF to try the pstrich and the goats. haha! it was fun to be with her. cos she was juz like she has gone back to her childhood days and she was the kid once again! lunch, then headed off to a shifu's place, where we had tea. another touching session, cos well, ya, the people there are really kind and generous! and then lastly to a chocolate factory which was, well, ok la.. haha!!! juz glad that well, i bought some chocolates for my family :)

at night was hui zhi's wedding, went with WT and ZR. i like, forgot everyone's name there le lor :P ZR was at my side reminding the names:P haha!!! i felt guilty. cos in the day, i was told not to kill animals, yet at night, i was eating everything seafood. but well, juz enjoyed myself ^_^ haha! yes, i still ate. many thanks to hui zhi who invited me to the wedding, seriously, every1 was very shocked! cos ya, i haf left SCB so long ago le... but its nice to see everyone again ^_^

cherish life, love animals. i'm even more determined to be a vegeterian le...

2009-12-09T11:48:00.003+08:00

recollections of what has been done over the weekends:

sat: night class as per normal, nothing much really happened. help ard as usual, then... went home le lor...

sun: Tulips Hearts Day!!! sold tulips for the children cancer foundation. was ok la... singapore still has a lot of generous ppl. then went off for wei ting de birthday celebraion. haha! we are known as the... DECORATORS!!! haha! was quite fun la. we had fun on our own too, playing taboo, and we also had a class talk? haha! with xin ru, amanda, wei qiang, huai wen, shanlyn, alesia, shu jie, hui nee and me. ting joined us on and off. was surprised by some news.. like wow! so many ppl haf the same opinion! really caught my by lots of surprise! it was really nice la, every1 juz sit down and juz chat. well, girls gathering on the 21st, class gathering to the night safari on the 3rd of jan! ^_^ after that went eat tau huay supper with alesia and shu jie! nice! then home sweet home! yeahness!

mon: nothing much, slack ard at home

tues: medical check up in the morning. my heart condition has not improved, as seen from the echo scan. instead, it got worse. its a natual occurance and nothing can stop it. no medication, no prevention. but well, i'll juz haf 2 accept it bahz. afternoon went GIANT at tamp and saw shu jie! hahah!!! stupid giant did not haf so much of the things i needed la! irritating. went cold storage at kovan to get the rest of the things i needed. then home and prepared a different dinner for my family. every one had loads of the food cos ITS NICE!!! haha! salad, chicken mayo with bread and ministrone!!! yummy! but cooked too much so mum bought to the office to day!

today, i manged to get some truth out of someone and i'm glad he's starting to open himself up! ^_^ cooking lunch for the kids later! ^_^

2009-12-04T23:00:00.003+08:00

friday nigth at PKFT.. hmm.. 2day only had some chanting.. only 4 shifus left... DYSF and CYSF went india! but for the 1st time can hear CHSF sing so loudly! haha! all of them were practically coughing! haiz... it has been so long and they are still coughing... DDSF was sitting around after everything while i was having my almost weekly private lesson with CHSF. haha!!! well ,another one hour of lesson today, instead of tmr. both of us were happy 2night. cos she was very glad that i learn a lot and was putting into practice. thou she say its not easy, but she is still very glad i managed to do so, and is still continuing to do so! well, i have the motivation to carry on with practice, cos i'm so happy when i achieve something GOOD! but there is still so much more to learn. well, till next week then! haha!!

2009-11-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

had a long day 2day! morneing woke at 7, went PKFT for medicine buddha prayers, then ya. CHSF surprised me, cos she actually walk 2wards me 2 talk! hmmm... was surprised la. hmmm carry out some 'work' again? haha! had fun la, talked to ppl. it was a very very nice feeling lor. then things ended at 12, went katong with WT and ZR, K at teo heng, then... home sweet home. din bring ez link card so dad fetched. muahahhaa!!! had a talk with mum with regards to someone else. haiz... things that i have not seen b4 are appearing so so so often now! its quite scary!!!

i felt happy and accomplished! i did not quarrel or talk back to my dad today at all!!! yahoo!!! thank you very much to CHSF who taught me how to handle all my difficult stuffs ^_^ well, more questions next week again :P

2009-11-29T00:45:00.001+08:00

once again, a saturday, another talk with CHSF. next week will have a longer talk. erm... wow? haha!!! but i still haf loads to learn and a long way 2 goooooooo..... jia you jia you!!!

2009-11-28T12:12:00.002+08:00

yesterday night went for 千年一音. its nice for my la. love the drums!!! and david tao's live singing is good! juz that yesterday was a more formal sit down charity concert that there was no screams, no shouting etc. and the usual high and crazy me dare not even move too much, cos my shifus were juz siting down across me and they noe where i'm seated! haha! show ended at like 10.45 la, when we thought it would end at 10 -_- tired sia!
last week, had an hour talk with CHSF again. well, i can only say, i'm lucky to be human. haha! there's more 'homework' for me to do but i guess it'll all be worth it, especially for myself. 2night, well, i'll be off looking for her again -_- for a good cause again :D juz hope that i'm not causing her any troubles la. she told my mum that my mum should encourage me to go look for her! and both her and DYSF noes who i am my mum said like i was a very close person whom they know very well or something like tat la. its a good and bad thing.. still thinking bout it...

once again, i'm approved of wat i wanna do!! and at the max, by 2013, wat i wanna do MUST BE DONE! :D

2009-11-16T10:05:00.002+08:00

friday to sunday de 药师宝忏 is damm shiok arh! ok, maybe i should not phrase it like tat.. should use... 随喜with everyone else! ^_^ but thru the 3 days, its really a lot of merrits accumulated. really hope that the earth will be well again. dun be so sick ok, madam earth! recover and get well soon!!! ^_^ got to know many many ppl thru these 3 days. its a nice feeling to me, everyone smiling at each other etc. i was asked to help out at different occasions, and its an honour to help! there was pain in my leg for all 3 nights, but when i woke up the next morning, the pain would be totally gone! i could juz walk normally! if not, i dun think i would be able to help out le. only on te 3rd night that i found out i had bruises on both knees, but i juz din felt it over the 3days. hmmm... well, its ok. asked question, got questions answered, feel blessed :D

2009-11-10T22:36:00.002+08:00

went for wisdom tooth extractiong and operation yesterday. totally dun like it, lucky its only once in a lifetime sia, ok, my 2nd time. top teeth is extracted, bottom teeth was operated on. pain like mad when i got home so much so tat i wanted 2 knock myself out ao that i wun feel the pain. but i got over it and yea, till 2day still pain :( now my mouth cannot be closed cos i think the stich in my mouth is too tight when the doc had 2 sew my gums back 2gether. pain killers make the pain go away, but it makes me feel uneasy on my stomach and taste glends too. my mouth oso very 'sour' cos i cannot close it! irritating. i think this will last for at least a week to 2. jia lat, fri, sat and sun de activity how! full day somemore.. i'll make sure i eat pain killers. haha! looking forwards to fri, sat and sun ^_^

2009-11-07T23:29:00.004+08:00

sat night is a meditaions night. had class but reach PKFT early to help out. hmm, things were completed at quite a fast rate, then had a good talk with chun hui shifu 2day. learn things from her, got reminders from her. she taught me how 2 handle some ppl, how to handle my emotions. it was a long long long talk, but well, things are not meant to be posted here and yea. i remember jiu hao le. somehow, i felt nervous and a little scared while talking to her, that i started 2 tremble in the office. i can see that she felt my pain, felt my troubles deeply, cos the sincerity was really there when she was 'teaching' me and she mentioned that i was really in a very difficult spot, but the best i could do was juz to bear with it lor. its actually a good learning opportunity 4 me. so, yea, shall not be affected le :)

2009-11-07T11:16:00.002+08:00

wed has the last exam paper! shiok! haha! now its time 2 relax a bit. but i haf so many things 2 do! monday going for my wisdom tooth operation le. scared. tues and wed night classes will end next week and start in march 2010 again.
thurs went for some prayers. ok, fine, pray the whole day so it dun seem like some only. but its ok, cos i liked it :) initially wed had the flowering thing de, but was cancelled last minute cos got enough ppl 2 help out le. so went home le lor. there was something i heard and it was very good and i wanted 2 share. but i 4got wat izzit le. haha! so well, till i remember bahz! ^^

2009-10-31T22:17:00.004+08:00

2day went to my sat meditation class. went earlier 2 help clean up the place. the cat that lives there finally know me le! yeah! it walk 2wards me when it saw me today and aloow me 2 pat it and it even play with me! yahoo! went sign up for chun hui's shi fu's de flowering class. will learn how 2 arrange flowers in due time. went home and well, yea...

yea. everything seems 2 be my fault. i'm under a lot of unknown pressure. sure, u might say that i'm self-pitying myself. maybe i am. but i'm seriously living in a lot a lot of pain. really very very hurt. so much so that i can't stop crying. i scold someone else under instruction, my fault. your health, my fault. all the arrows directed at me. i know u love me and yes! i love u loads! but can u pls spare a thought for me! y would i want u to go see the doc? cos i want u healthy and well! do u noe how much i worry bout u? i dun show it. but inside, the worry-ness is killing me!!! so much so that i even took a vow to suffer your pain for u as long as u can be well! i noe, its not right for me 2 take your pain on your behalf cos its your karma, and that if i were to fall ill you'll be worried and then it'll be my fault. but i can't help it! 2 see u grow weaker and weaker day by day! do u noe how much it hurts me?! yet, u simply push the blame for your illness on me! i noe, i'm partly at fault! but shouldn't u take a look at yourself too?! a few days running, a few days in a row. i can't take so much. everyday i see u, i feel as if u hate me to the core. like i'm 1 irritant in your life. u dun even wanna tok 2 me. all i can say its i'm really extremely hurt. u took another's words over mine and scold me over things that i've done right. u never noticed the 'victory' look on the other's face haf u. been tricked again and again. once a heart has been broken, its difficult 2 mend it back. real difficult.

sometimes, i wish that i can end this pain. thou i noe i can't. cos its wat i haf 2 go thru.

dun be surprise if i were to fall one day. thou i'm hurt, i'll still take your sufferings on your behalf. i still wanna let u noe that i still love u thou my heart is broken. i still dun wan 2 see u in so much pain. pls stand in a daughter's point of view and take a look at things. u haf been a daughter b4. i hope you'll understand.

finally, i apologise for whatever wrong doings i've done. i seek forgiveness. i'm sorry.

2009-10-28T00:35:00.002+08:00

i will suffer in silence. only 1 or 2 will noe abt it. i'm still learning how 2 be happy and 2 disregard all anger and sadness. i have more to learn. learn how 2 apply family wise. if i can apply 2 friends, y not family? i cried. this means i failed. i'll try again. i will not let things turn me down. i will perservere cos happiness is really good.
i pray that my mum's health and my cousin health will be good. my cousin. at least let him be well till after exams. my mum, let her be well. i dun like 2 see her in pain, see her sick. no good. if i can, i'm willing 2 share their illness, 2 lighten their load a bit. pls juz let them be well. applies to my dad and my brother too. let them all be well :) of course, let me be well too :)

2009-10-22T21:38:00.002+08:00

went to GIANT at tamp 2day with m parents... i was deeply remined of those times in poly for the MP period... miss choo bought some of us there and there was around 4 or 5 of us? and we had 4 full trollys full of food! all for the sake of the cafe. i juz remember all the fun we had back then, which turned into sadness after a while cos we were juz simply chased out of the cafe heartlessly by some ppl, whom even tried to treat us like 3 years old kids and attempted to brainwash us thereafter. but we were already like 19? some things juz wun work on us. we haf eyes -_- haiz, really miss my 'old' cafe where it was only run by us and 2 of our teachers. good times dun last long, but it last forever in the memories :)

2009-10-19T20:03:00.002+08:00

nee nee birthday was a great success!!! haha! we had her tricked man! i bet our nose had grown 0.002cm longer! haha!!!
day started with me meeting shan to do up nee's card. shu jie showed up next, lastly aeng. nee came shortly after, but we weren't anywhere near giving her the gifts meant for her yet. off to k box! haha!
arrive k box a e hub. thou the card was signed by nee, the spokewomen kept looking at me when she talk. both nee and me felt so weird! haha! for once, we went into a larger room! filled with balloons! and 5 packets of party toys await us on the table. food was ordered cos we were juz too hungry!!! haha! cake was given free for birthday girl, but it was more like a cake ment for 10 when there was only 5 of us there. each of us had a very very big slice of the hard black forest cake. but better than nothing la. miss shan was there pigging away on the cake when none of us want to eat it le.
sang till 6.30. the package was suppose to end at 6 but i think they let us sing till 7 bahz. but we asked for bill early cos we had to leave for the surprise planned for hui nee.
lies were made. story is, i know of a dinner place at pasir ris end that serves very very good fusion food, so we were walking there from e hub. wei qiang was meeting us there. but we had to cut thru all the chalets to reach the place. while cutting thru the chalet, i juz nice go take notes from my fren who was in costa sand pasir ris M06. that was the place that the birthday surprise planned by nee's sister awaits.
nee was pleasently shocked but she did not cry! haha! but we had a fun night la. thou there was presence of some well, mouth not very nice de ppl but its ok! da ren you da liang, heck care la! all of us had fun i think. haha! hang ard till 11 plus then went home, fetched by huai wen with aeng, shan and shu jie.

for pics, look at my FB bahz :)

2009-10-06T14:17:00.002+08:00

i've never felt this way. i cried cos i juz feel so guilty. i normally wun cry for such things but i broke down. i'll try my best 2 do watever i can. i realised, u have mis understood wat i wrote from my previous post. shall not explain here, will meet u 2 explain. pls pick up my call. 1 will do. thanks.

2009-09-27T10:52:00.002+08:00

sometimes, its better to let go. you'll feel happier, and life is so much more relaxed.

i've decided. i think i've return enough of my debts, i dun wan to be living in so much anger and disappointment anymore. so i've decided to totally let go, and say goodbye to you. but i dun wan u to be too upset, so i'll still be there when the rest call us out, i'll still be there on your birthdays. but dun expect anymore things from me le. u will never be in my list again if i have to buy something for any events. seriously, pls step out and see the real world and stop being a frog in the well. change yourself for the better, not for worst, thou i seriously dunno how worse can u be than now, by hurting your own friends. since u are not willing to 'play a part' in things that have happened, they will be informed when they are back. your name shall thus be removed.
i'm not angry nor having any emotions while typing. ok, i'm happy, cos i've let go of a burden of 5 years le! how can i not be happy? hehe :P

2009-09-20T14:44:00.009+08:00

day 3:

as usual, the cocks went off at 3plus -_- stupid la! morning as usual everyone woke up at 6plus cos we were going to a place call 清水源 to 拜拜. breakfast was the same things as day 2, thou i think the soya milk was a little more milky and powdery so i dare not drink lor. anyways, waited a while for the vans to come and set off lo! oh, the van drivers were also of the same surname 'ng' and they live very near the house too. i found out later that all the people there were of the same surname. so its one whole area clustered of the same surname de ppl. anyway, the kids were tired before heading off, i think its quite obvious cos they haf been waking up at 5 or 6 am for days le.

anyways, once again, we went onboard the 'safe' van. haha! at least he was nice enough to say that the car there de quality not as good so have to off the air-con when going uphill. off we went! in the way, we say the rail-train. it looks really old and its more like a cargo kind of 'cho-cho-train' lor. and its really... looonnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg!!!!!!!! but the speed of the train was quite fast la, so i din manage to capture a pic of it.

anyway, 清水源 was located on the top of a very tall mountain. lucky we din haf 2 climb or else we could never have reached the top! haha! as promised, the air-con was offed. but it was ok la, cos the day was cooling. the mountain road was very sttep and curvy lor. its a bit scary la. its like the road where you cab up to Genting, juz that this in China has to road-side barrier so u noe, u fear when you'll fall. this pic is so lucky tat it was a small white sting as a barrierhaha! and along there way, we say that the ppl really noe how to make full use of land space man! as long as there is a little bit of space they'll grow tea le.

once there, all cameras was out to take picture of the super beautiful scenery! the air there was really very very cooling! we tot tat was it. in the end, we continue to hike up a flight of stairs la! we still had to shout 加油 to my little 4 year old niece. haha! tat lazy girl juz refuse to walk on her own -_- after the stiars, there was more platformed uphill road and a bit more stairs la. we had to was our hand before going into the temple too. from a far away distance, we heard a lot of fire-crackers being lit off le. the sound was juz so loud! cos the fire-crackers used there were of enormous size de la! so all the kids din went into the temple, and i sat with them somewhere outside cos i cannot take the inscence smell, keep sneezing!

after a while, when all the praying was done, everyone came back out and we ate the fruits tat was offered to the god. the fruits cos its extremely fresh, so its more of sour than sweet la. but every still ate. got apples, grapes, oranges and pears.

after which, we climb a flight of stairs down-hill again. we took a different path down. then back to the van and off for lunch. the trip down-hill was different from the one we went uphill. lunch de food was ok la, cos i preferred the previous night de dinner. the lunch place de environment was ok de la. a bit bit dirty thou. then the 'danger' drive kept coming into our room to give us drink and to teach us how to eat the food they serve.

after that we went to our ancestor's house which has been there for years and years and years. but i think they did some renovation for it. we took a big family photo there. the van driver din really noe how 2 use my camera, lucky another drive noe. haha! the door was locked so i could only take photos of the inside from the outside.

then it was home sweet home for me and the kids. cos the adults wanna go shopping so i stay in to look after the kids and make them take afternoon naps lor. while they napped, i study my econs and took some pictures of the kids who live there de. the adults came home a bit later and we were off to another uncle's house and dinner.

the uncle's house is really, hmm, quite worn out? its totally bricks and cement only. its more of like a soiled floor and there was only a very very small tea table, and no chairs INITIALLY. somehow, the drives and brothers were very so use to the house that they went to take out the chars for us. it wa those olden days wooden bench that my aunt say i wun noe how 2 sit de. but it was ok lehz. their cupboards had no doors thou. tea as usual, made by the 3rd brother again. my niece was really observing hard how 2 make the tea. haha! the house opposite the uncle's house had a metal roof, that was held down by bricks. so i can imagine the roof flying away if the bricks were not there. lol. we stayed only for a while and it was dinner time.

dinner for once, i should say its really horrible! they serve rabbit meat, eel and beef lor! when none of us can eat the above lor -_- in the end my mum puked. imagine 3 days of pork for every meal lehz! so bad tat the smell got us on our nerves le. after dinner, went home le. did not go anywhere special.

once home, we started to wash our clothes. since it was the last day there, as in at my relatives house. we were going to the xia men city the next day. there was seriously a lot of clothes. the washing machine was quite old, those u see 10 years ago type, and their washing board was cement and was fixed in the sink de. wash wash wash, but we still went back down to the corridor to haf a last night of chit-chatting session and tea session at the house. i join them that night. my cousin and niece saw brooms and they start sweeping the floor i see my 2 nieces 'perform' teacher and everyone had a good laugh.

i was in a different mood that night during the chit-chat session. somehow, i was feeling a little sad. afterall, it will be our last night at the house le. we will still see the brothers (1st and 3rd brother joining us in the city, 2nd brother coming to see us off), but we'll never see the ladies again. they were to stay at home to do the chores le.

2009-09-15T10:58:00.001+08:00

i'm trying my best 2 rush out my story bout my trip 2 china, but its taking me 1 hours plus to blog about 1 day, well, so hang on :P

2009-09-14T20:30:00.014+08:00

this is gonna be a super long post.. those not interested, dun read!

i'm finally back frim my china trip at 中国, 福建, 厦门, 金古镇, 田头村. long name huh? its actually longer.. haha!! i can only say its a super enriching trip for me. i sincerely learn how 2 appreciate life here in Singapore. really, we are all too blessed and fortunate to have such good living conditions le. we should all be more than happy! anyways, story time -_-

day 1:
early mornign 4am woke up, wash up, get ready to go airport. cab suppose 2 come at 5.45 am, but it came at 5.25am instead -_- in the end, we reach the airport T2 far tooooooo early. 6.10, evey1 reached. checked in, went for breakfast at ya kun toast. 6.50, went in le. flight was supposed to be scheduled at 8am intially, but in the end was delayed for 30 minutes. 4 hours flight to china on silk-air.. we sat on a smaller airplane, so was more croweded la. almost every1 slept on board the plane. haha!! everyone woke up too early le la. haha! breakfast was ok la. i like the egg thou, even though it was a bit cold la.. haha! we reached the Xia Men international air-port at 12.45 instead of 12.15. when we alight from the plane, there was a bus to pick us up. it was only like 10 steps away for us to walk but well, they say passengers cannot walk so wee took the bus, made a u-turn and alighted. took no more than 1 min i think -_- my relatives were there 2 receive us. quite hornoured. got the 3 brothers ad the eldest 2nd sister's husband. they juz refused 2 let me push and take my own luggage. nice of them la. we were told that the temperature there was 34 degrees!! when we were told its cold in the 9th month of the year so we bought all long plants etc. in the end, we realised we misunderstood that it was supposed to be the chinese 9th month la -_-
we board another mini-bus / van to head out towards the house we were going to live in, as well as for lunch. lunch was taken at 2.30 pm, more than an hour trip from the airport, and when the bus was speeding! the food was ok la. but a lot of pork which i dun fancy, so i ended up eating a lot of the green vege and tofu lor. wah! the vege and tofu are damm nice de la! cos its they home-make and grow de. haha! the toilet, well, its horrible. the toilet has cubicles, but the walls will only reach up to at most your waist length, and there are no doors at all! it was really smelly from the outside and you can't even go near the toilet! in the end, we found out that they only was the toilet in the morning de. so many ppl have used it before we arrived in the afternoon! it was juz a drain that runs throu the centre of the toilet and you juz do you business into the shallow and visible drain. so u can see what the previous person has done b4 u la. (tat's y i say i appreciate the toilets in singapore) while we were leaving, the van driver was nice enough to put a luggage next 2 me so that i can have a hand rest to be more comfortable. haha!!!
then we continue our bus ride to 中国茶都, took another 1 hour. it was an adventure to be seated in the van i took. wah! over there they have no traffic light and they dun care about road safety de lor! they juz over take any vehicles they wan to and juz keep pushing the horn lor! omg damm scary de lor. my cousin sis, aunt and mum were all closing their eyes thorough the journey. haha! anyways, on the trip to the 中国茶都, we saw all the farms by the road-side. say many ppl pushing carts selling tofu, cows juz lazing ard by the road side, strings of goats, loats of rice fields, banana trees field, scare crow and mountains. 中国茶都 is juz a place that basically sells a lot a lot of tes, but we din buy any since my relatives produce their own tea! we juz stop for 20 mins at the 茶都 to see how the tea leaves are being processed.
then, back to the van and another 30 minutes to my relatives house. once again, its a closed eye trip for my cousin, aunt and mum. haha! we saw many many longans trees and ppl selling longans along the way. and there was a Singapore petrol station as well! since when did singapore produce petrol?! haha! but i think its cos the family smart la. cos to the people there, products from singapore are really 高高在上! anyways, the kids were happy to arrive at the place, cos wat greeted them were ducks and chickens! haha! they kids have never seen the ducks and chicken so close to them before! but before they could go near the animals, they were freaked out and they started running away le, cos well, they're scared of them too. haha!
through the 3 hours plus journey to the house, every1 slept. there was countless hornning on the roads. and the air quality was not very good. anyways, back to the house.
to me, the house is HUGE! it has 2 buildings merged as one, and they have another house further down the road. when we arrived, i wasnted 2 go to the back of the van to collet my luggage. BUT! 8 guys were already standing there to ensure that we do not need 2 do anything at all -_- so i couldn't even touch my luggage cos they simply refuse 2 let me hold it -_- i decided to stay outside the house 2 take some pictures. but before i can do anything, a LOUD LOUD LOUD until cannot LOUD de BANG! went off behind me! they acutally put a long long row of fire crackers! but there was no time for me to take down the process so i only took photos of the remians lor. haha! but they say its a grand honour 2 have us there cos we're ppl from the city and we are smart and educated and better-off ppl. its proud for them to know people like us, and that we're willing to bare with their living standards to be living with them. the fire-works were only used during grand events, so see how grand it is for us to be there. ALL THE NEIGHBOURS WERE OUT TO SEE US! so shy :P haha! but the kids were all crying -_-
when we finally went into the house, we were shocked! they juz renovate the stairs half-way, so its all still rocks and cement and there in no railings at all! so you can fall down on your right anytime and there goes your head. cos the floor is really very bumpy and hard, its difficult to climb up and down. (i eventually got use to the stairs on the 3rd day) that is the eldest brother's building. i stayed at the house that belong to the 3rd brother. him and his wife were very very nice ppl. they moved out of their room so that we can sleep in their room, where there is air-con. we have the habit of taking off our shoes when we enter a house in singapore and so we did that in china too. thou the wife and grandma keep telling us not to remove, but we still eventually did that and they said nothing. thou the husband asked his wife to mop the floor. we say its alright de la! haha!
dinner was next and erm, we mainly ate porridge la. cos we're not really used to the vege. its juz simple rice and porridge and for us, they added extra dishes of duck soup and another green vege. for them, their dinner was always juz porrisge and 1 dish, no more. so when the brothers was with us for lunch, u can say they were happy, cos its not very often that they leave the house and go buy food. they basically grow everything on their own. after dinner, we sat outside the house to have a chit-shat session with the family members. then it was bath time! the water that they have are stored in a tank found on the top of every house. this water is flowed from the 泉水 near their house, so its really clean and cooling. but there is a limit in which the amount of water the tank can hold. the house t hat i live in can only hold 10 litres of water. so, my cousin, who was the last one to bath, was stuck in the toilet for 15 minutes! cos have to wait for the water to reach the tank again. after tta, sleep time. but my small aunt, cousin sis and my mum chatted till 12 plus then sleep, thou we were all really really tired. haha! i think all of us except the kids slept well that night, cos being adults, well, it takes mroe time 2 adapt la.

day 2:
stupid cocks started crowing at 3.30am!!!! i could not get back to sleep lor. so loud!!! by 5.30, the sky was bright le! i was so shock!!! my aunt and cousin woke at 6.30 and ask wat time, i told them 6 only and they were all ' wow! its more like 9am le la!' so yea, everyone including the kids woke up. cos its simply too bright and noisy! but well, we haf 2 wake up anyways, cos we were having prayer for my great grandfather. but in the morning we had to pray to the 天公 1st. it was held at the 3rd level of the house. since it took time, i went down to the 1st level for breakfast first. breakfast was soya milk + 油条 and some very hard buns. i juz had one bun cos my stomach needs time to adapt to new foods and it was only like 6.45, i din really had the appetite. anyways, back to the 3rd level and they were still chanting. so i decided to walk ard. i realise that they actually uses solar system to run their electricity. but cos we were there, they decided to use normal electricity, for fear that we cannot adapt. i realised they really did many thigns for us. liek the couple move out of their room of that we can sleep more comfotably in their room, where there is a toilet and air-con. its really sweet of them.

anyways, i saw that they were getting ready to put off the fire crackers. it was a big roll! then the 3rd son de son saw that they were going to put off the fire cracker le was very cute. he made sure that his hands were covering his ears all the while be it walking or sitting down or being carried by his dad. both hands did not leave his ears for the whole time before they set off the fire crackers. it was damm cute of him. haha! anyways, the finally put off the fire cracker and it was LOUD! haha! but i could not cover my ears cos i was taking a video -_- haha! it was as nice la.

next, we walk to a temple to pray. it was a 15 mins walk and i tell u, crossing the road was a hurdle man! scary la! those with weak hearts should not try. haha! we went to the temple to pray to huat zu gong (法主公). the 3rd brother ride a bike to fetch the 2nd brother who was carrying the statue of the god. it was big! then there was even more fire crackers there. really a lot. i really 敬佩 the ah ma who was so pro at setting off the fire cracker. after tat walk back home lor.

rested a while, we went mountain climbing lo! haha, no la, actually to pray to my great grandfather la. it was a difficult cilmb man! the road is like no road! its all man-made paths. i setp out of place down u go, tumbling down the mountain liao. the 山路 is very small and very 陡峭! we had to eventually go down on all 4 to get uphill. thou the people living there make the climb look sooooo easy! the 3 year old kid was leading the way to a 3rd group of people coming! can u imgaine! but well, its a fruitful climb la. my aunts and uncles and parents keep asking me 2 take photos. once you're up there, u completely 4get abt the pain-staking journey up, and the yet-to-come even more pain-staking journey down... the scenery up there is supereb!!! its really a wow! so we prayed, and off went even more fire crackers! the 3rd brother rolled up one end of the crackers and thus there was juz one EXTREMELY SUPER LOUD BANG! but it was fun la, cos there was echo. haha! so down-hill we went. it was an up-hill task for me to get down-hill la -_- i oways have this weakness that its always easy for me to go up, but always very difficult for me to get down. apllies to all ladders or no hand-rail stairs. haha! so my speed down was damm slow but i got down safe and sound. i eventaully follow the ah ma's foot-steps and i realise it was easier to walk following her.

lunch was next, even more food! but i find the braised pork nice for once, since i normally dun eat pork. haha! after lunch, rested a while, and off to shopping! but being smart us, we choose the safest car! haha! ok, we sat without knowing, but praying that the car was safe la. the previous day de danger van was a no no to us le.

the shopping mall we went to is very different from singapore. its like a combination of best denki, NTUC, dorothy perkins, bata, world of sports, cerisi, kiddy place, courts etc etc! and they only have one counter at the enterance. so u have to get all you want then go pay de. we wanted drinks, so we chose and went to pay 1st. you MUST keep the receipt cos they will take and keep the recipet b4 u leave. if u do not haf the receipt you are considered stealing le. then after that we went to the street side market where we saw very cute and old type of weighing scale and baby prams. it was a quike walk la, never really buy anything. then went to the eldest sister's house for a sit lor. who noes the sit turn out to be a napping session for many!

we walked quite some distance and on the way, a few moto-bikes juz brushed by me la! scary de lor! like they can knock me down anytime de!and we saw one whole row of shop-houses selling bee hoon! wow! and the taxi-bike there got umbrella de! so cute! haha

once we sat down at the house, the 3rd brother started to make tea instantly. (he followed us to the house 1st while the big brother was shopping with 3 of my aunts) the big sister was selling rice and flour and some peanuts too. the kids were sleepy so off they went to a room above the warehouse. after a while, my cousin-in-law and my cousin sis both heard rats and saw the rats' tail! eek! but the kids were sleepingn a bed so still ok la. anyways, when we were chatting, we heard someone calling out to the cocks and hens downstairs. it was aldy and oh my, she sounded like one of the chicken herself! its so alike, the voice! and the chickens, upon hearing her call, all queue up and returned to the coop! it rained at 4.15pm and it made the atmosphere so good to sleep that everyone dozed. the rain was a bit different from singapore to us. its like, more gentle? haha! ya, so everyone slept and when we woke up, it was dinner time! oh, did i mention, by 6.30pm, the sky was totally dark le? and its really dark!

dinner was at a restaurant. the food was the nicest! the toilet was the cleanest that i've been in China! BUT! the toilet cubicles has no doors -_- so i was always the one called to stand guard outside the toilet to prevent ppl from going in. anyways, we had a total of 24 ppl so we were splited into 3 tables. 2 mixed gender, 1 table all the guys only. quite commical la. haha!

after dinner, we took the van to go buy some slippers and went home le. on the way, it was total darkness!!! no street lights nothing! it was kind of scary la. once home, my uncle started sawing some sticks used to carry lanterns. we bought some singapore lanterns over for the kids there to play, they have not seen singapore type lanterns b4. so the kids were happy to play with the lantern thou they burn a few. haha! then once everyone had lanterns in their hand, we had a walk to the 2nd brother's house, using the kids lantern to light up the path cos there was no lights from house to house. but the 3rd brother eventually on his bike de head lights to light up pur path la. haha! cos the darkenss its really u put you 5 fingers out and u canot see them de!

at the 2nd brother's house, once again, TEA TIME! haha! they very auto de la. haha! even the kids drank tea this time cos the tea they served is the best tea de. so everyone liked the tea. haha! after a while or so, we went home, this time totally by the light of the bike. bath, chatted a while, bed time lo! once again, a sleepless night for me.

ok, 2days content 1st. its taking me along time.. tut tut

2009-08-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

a normal sore thorat will already cause a person to not able to eat, not able to drink cos the person will have pain swallowing...
now imagine this... a sore throat that is very red and swollen with ulcers inside!
that's the condition i'm in... i cough badly, want and need to drink water but i can't! i can't even swallow plain water! i woke up on sunday morning with a very very bad sore throat and cough and fever.. went 2 the doc, came home and slept most of the time... monday, the cough and sore throat got worse... tuesday, cough and sore throat got more worse! wednesday, went back to doc, only to find out y my throat is in so much pain.. as explained above, the ulcers were caused by my coughing. wow! this is the 1st time i'm in such a case.. i'm so hungry, but i can't eat.. sian!

2009-08-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

i'm most surprised and touched to the the sms that came from aus... it made me nearly cry la! haha! very touched ^_^

2009-08-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

well, in a few minutes, my grand day will be over

Anyways, I would sincerely like to so many ppl from the bottom of my heart, for coming to celebrate my 21st with me. The celebration would not have been successful without you participation! It is a joyous occasion and I hope all of you had fun! I had loads of fun ^_^

Sincerely, THANK YOU!
Thanks for those who helped out in the decorations!
Thanks for those who helped out in the cooking!
Thanks for those who brought things along to supply for any shortages!
Thanks for those who help me took so many photos!
Thanks for those who came early and help out!
If i missed out anything, just.. THANK YOU!
Thank you for coming! ^_^

thanks going out to all my frens who wished my happy birthday on this say as well!

there seem 2 be something wrong with blogger, so i'll upload the pics when i can :)
if u wanna see them, go FB bahz! haha!

2009-08-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

IA test was alright, only if they had given the correct amt for balance sheet.. cos of their 1 stupid mistake, no 1 in the whole class can balance -_-

TMR IS THE DAY!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! ARH!!! SO HAPPY!!! HAHA!!!!
but i'm really very extremely tired... will sleep early 2night :)

many thanks to those who helped me out! ^_^

2009-08-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

when i tot i've seen a worst guy ever in my life, i met another 1 yesterday -_- OMG! Y ARE THERE SO MANY BUSTARDS ARD!!! and y do THIS gal see in this bustard? he's much worst off honestly.. but, well, i'll say, its fate -_-

monday went shopping at NTUC for shopping for my b-day stuffs. WOW! 2 TROLLIES FULL / oacked/ cramped etc! haha! ppl queueing behind us all siam! haha!!! i mean, honestly, any1 will be freaked out at the sight of the trolleys la! haha! but i had fun :) oso went toyogo at toa payoh to get stuffs, shopped a lot.. more to come! i can;t wait for the cake and jellies!! YUMMY-LICIOUS!!!

recevied 2 presents le. expensive items, that i feel a bit embarassed to take it :P thank you to my aunt, cousin sis and cousin-sis-in-law! ^_^ photos up asap, erm, most prob on my FB. haha!!!

wow!! 2 more days!! arh!!! i'm getting sooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

so much more to cut and paste...

i'm having a serious great damm headache now!!! has been going on for so long le.. some1 save me pls.. its killing me!! the headache is killing me!!!!! i feel that my neck and shoulders are breaking as well.. wat is happening 2 me?!!

2009-08-03T22:46:00.001+08:00

why am i doing so much and putting in so much effort when rubbish attitude is wat i get in return?
doing everything till pain and bled...
crying while doing all this things cos i really appreciate everything! and then, things took a turn and?
tears drip drip..

i'm no longer looking 4ward... i feel so troubled... y do things haf 2 be so damm difficult!

i wanna go to the beach and scream...
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a n d i c a n o n l y s a y m y p r e d i c t i o n s c a m e t r u e... w h a t a m i s u p p o s e t o d o n e x t? c a n i m a n a g e? g r e a t h e a d a c h e...

2009-08-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

as i'm doing the special things for my special frens, i feel like crying very much... i really hope u gals will like wat i made.. cos i really put in the effort to do it... sincerely, i feel very touched tat i can haf u gals as frens.. thou i'm now having a very bad feeling bout something bad which might be occuring soon again, i hope the message tat i'm trying to bring acorss will reach u gals...

2009-07-25T23:53:00.001+08:00

recently addicted 2 some new chinese songs.. well, more to the lyrics actually.. haha!!!

棒棒堂-说说

作词:王子(棒棒堂)
作曲:王子(棒棒堂)

下课钟声回荡耳边沉没夕阳倒映我脸
互传纸条的画面消失般的光线
秋天气息感染树叶泛黄照片还放桌前
操场上的那些麻雀随枫叶纷飞

我们曾经说好的幸福永远
一直藏在书包的拉链
多么希望回到那年我们写的诗篇

好想听你说说爱我好像听你说说想我
这些年你有没有曾经想起过我
好像对你说说爱你好像对你说说想你
这些年你知不知我常想念着你想念着你

秋天气息感染树叶泛黄照片还放桌前
操场上的那些麻雀随枫叶纷飞

我们曾经说好的幸福永远
一直藏在书包的拉链
多么希望回到那年我们写的诗篇

好想听你说说爱我好想听你说说想我
这些年你有没有曾经想起过我
好想对你说说爱你好想对你说说想你
这些年你知不知脑袋里装的全都是你全都是你
诉说着我的感受心里话全说出口
听你说说多爱我听你说说想我
谢谢你曾经陪着我说着我们幸福的经过

棒棒堂 - 少了你的房间

作词:小杰(棒棒堂)
作曲:宇王行

躲在少了你的房间
两眼无神的靠在窗台边
不知过了多少昼夜
空气少了你的香味
却多了一封你留的信件
说要给彼此些空间

我知道我不成熟
逗你开心让你没烦忧
但现在再多都没有用

为何要在放开手后才知道痛
一起共筑的美梦如今全都被寂寞给没收
只有你可以给我最美的感动
我愿意从头来过别让我在思念逗留

到底是哪出了错
你的离开我不知所措
没有你的日子要怎麽过

为何要在放开手后才知道痛
一起共筑的美梦如今全都被寂寞给没收
只有你可以给我最美的感动
我愿意从头来过别让我在思念逗留

为何要在放开手后才知道痛
一起共筑的美梦如今全都被寂寞给没收
只有你可以给我最美的感动
我愿意从头来过别让我在思念逗留
骗自己你自己从没离开过

2009-07-16T18:11:00.002+08:00

yesterday went out with shu jie, to ONE shop at far east.. NCORE!! IT ROCKS!!! haha!!! but i think the shop keeper thinks shu jie and me are mad de la.. haha!!! the things we buy de photos cannot be put up yet... one will be seen after this sat, another will be seen, well, a long time away.. haha!! we call it the 'black shop'! cos shu jie and me went in for 45 mins!!! and we spend $200 plus on 4 shirts! haha! but mine was only 35 so the rest, well.. shu jie, u noe... we really should not have went into the shop.. haha!!! :P once the shop keeper open his mouth 2 tok 2 us, shu jie and me had the same tot... TAIWANESE!!! haha! and he's not bad looking.. haha!!! but it was a fun day with shu jie la.. haha!! tok so much again... haha!!!

yesterday and today de lessons i din dozed off in class!! i was wide awake in both class and i wrote so many notes!!! haha!! i damm happy! i hope for my lessons this sem i could be so awake for all... then i can get better grades! ^_^

2009-07-04T23:51:00.004+08:00

hopefully, from the event of these few days, u can see how important u are 2 us...

we're worried about you, cos u are important 2 us...
we're angry for u, cos u are important 2 us...
we feel the hurt from u, cos u are important 2 us...
we hope 2 give u another chance again and again, cos u are important 2 us...
we can cry 4 u, feel angry, sad, diappointed, all juz becos u are important 2 us...

have u not seen that? how u not felt anything at all?
have u not felt how important u are 2 us?
how many frens can swallow everything, and be willing 2 give a fren a chance 2 come back again?
no fren can see another important fren fall into a tiger's trap without feeling worried...

they say love is blind.. i agree... i was once or twice blinded by it... but i eventually woke up from it, and realise how important and noble my best gal frens haf been... i tot u would haf learnt from my lesson... but i dun think so... so, since its your 1st time, we're willing 2 throw aside everything and haf u back once again, only when u haf woken up...

sometimes, i hope u can haf your own stand.. like how u use 2 be, and not listen 2 everything some1 else says... i hope u can walk out of being controlled.. in case u can't see it, we can, and we noe, we're losing more and more of u.... may the brain-washing stupid controller be stop and be destroyed...

2009-07-04T13:59:00.003+08:00

i hope to hear that 1 word, that 1 very very important word from you... thou it might not do much of a saving, but if i hear that word, i'll feel more calm, and i'll be ready to forgive....

2009-07-04T00:31:00.007+08:00

today, i feel as if i've lost a very important friend. i'm not angry with you, i'm just disappointed. i'm not sad, i'm just disappointed. i cried, cos i'm disappointed. i puked, cos i'm disappointed. i'm just really very extremely disappointed. i have no idea what is running though your mind. i have no idea which is the truth, and how much of those words you said are lies. i cannot think clearly anymore. i think, all of us need time to calm down. till then, i do not wish to see you, nor him. i don't ever want to see him, as i know i'll surely slap him, or even bash him up. till i've calm down, i'll ask you out once again. it'll take some time, but i hope that the friendship can be saved. i just want to let you know that no matter what happens, we'll still be friends, and that i'll forever be there for you whenever you need me. do not hesitate to call me, should you ever need a friend. i'll listen to you talk, but i can't see you, for now. we all need to calm down. remember, you ARE IMPORTANT to me, and to us, i just hope that one day, you will wake up, and realise how worried we are for you. i'm disappointed, yes. but i still regard you as one of my important friend. i'm awaiting the day when you could see us and when we can have a place in your heart once again...

girl, you might be angry with what is to come next. i warn you 1st... but i need a place to let out my anger.. it's normal if you feel angry, but this is my blog... i believe i haf the freedom 2 write wat i wan. no names mention.. if u think its u, its u.... if u think its not u, well, think again...

to the son-of-a-bitch. (no offence to any mums at all... mothers is one of the greatest gift one can have... its juz a phrase... ) i don't care if you're reading this. to us, you are a piece of shit, a bustard or even worse than those. you are juz a waste of space on earth. i'm damm pissed off with you. u better watch out, for the next time i see you, be prepared to get a tight and hard slap across your face. and trust me to do it when i say so. RETURN OUR FRIEND TO US!

i cried really hard.. even as i'm typing, i'm crying.. i'm really sad and disappointed... my heart aches like nobody's business... i dunno what is going thru everyone's mind now.. but seeing how angry every1 got, i juz can't stop crying.. even shanlyn was yelling the F word so many times, u can juz imagine how bad it is.. we do not want to hear lies.. we're sick and tired of it.. we haf held back for so long.. today, every1 juz let off the anger... well, only less than 50% of anger.. i saw how angry and disappointed every1 were, my heart aches.. of all days, it happened today... i'm sorry shu jie, i'll make up another happier birthday treat for you... but still, we 化悲愤为力量 and still had fun... its juz that, i think, maybe there could haf been more fun if our GIRLFREN was there... not the guy, only the girl... it could, it might haf been more fun...

2009-06-04T22:34:00.002+08:00

i've been crying the whole day... i dunno wat the future lies for me... as expected, i've finally broken down beyond my own limits... i'm on the verge of giving up le... i dunno wat 2 do.. i'm really at lost... my mum said if i can't take it 4 now, stop. b4 i harm myself anymore... but i wanna study finish... but i dunno how 2 face the future anymore... i really feel as if its the end of the world.. am i really forcing myself 2 much? way 2 much? i dun think so still.. yet...

2009-06-02T09:58:00.002+08:00

最近做了许多好梦!是本小姐拥有的福气!彬彬非常高兴!!!

2009-05-23T11:27:00.001+08:00

昨天晚上梦到很多本... 好梦 ^_^

但只不过是一场梦, 现实生活是不可能发生的...

2009-05-21T23:08:00.002+08:00

2day is an outing day with shan and shu jie!!! hahaha!!! ate ate ate.. omg de la! -_-

tmr is job interview.. ARH!! I'M NERVOUS!!! like wth la -_- i should not be nervous de sia... wish me luck!!! ^_^

2009-05-17T21:45:00.002+08:00

是你们的真诚打动了我的心, 那个似乎是个大家庭感觉... 非常感人, 感动

i'm once again down -_- i went a friday night and whole sat of gastric pain... nearly killed me sia! then sunday? i was vommiting and having the runs.. idiot -_- time 2 go doc again -_-

my gastric is coming back now :(

2009-05-06T22:59:00.002+08:00

ping is officially down.. sick arh!!! stupid flu caught up with her... relax, its juz the normal flu bug... but 2 be safe, saty home this week!!! cos my immune system is at its all time low la.. if i go out this week, danger arh...

on a 'funnier' note..
my tear glands haf been activated these few days.. y? cos i've been crying! y? cos i've been watching some videos and stupid-emo me juz broke down.. thou those ppl in the videos haf nothing 2 do with me, and i dunno them, they dunno me etc etc.. but the tears juz come.. wat they say, wat they haf done etc etc haf been very very touching! haiz.. y is ping ping so tupid lehz? but its good, shows tat i'm a person with good feelings... :) ok, go release more tears liaoz...

2009-05-04T21:30:00.002+08:00

exams are over!!! yea, ended on sat but i was juz 2 lazy 2 post la.. haha!!! watched a lot of videos... and honestly, i'm starting to like BBT man! haha!! watched a lot super duper a lot of MFBBT... haha!!! hmm, think i'm kind of over-ages for this kind of thing sia.. thou, erm, MOST of them are older than me la.. but oso got younger than me de.. shit man! age is catching up!!! oh no!!!
anyways... currently looking 4 job.. any1 with offer let me noe kz? millonz thanks man! haiz.. y kelly go on leave? now cannot go back work.. so sad :( i miss my ex-work place and some ppl there :P haha!!!
another anyways! cos exams was studing hard mahz.. then all late night sleeps... 3am was the earliest... then now after exmas wanna try 2 sleep early cannot sia! 9pm feel tired.. then at 11pm, i'm wide awake!!! till 2p lus.. then i force myself 2 sleep -_- sian...

i'm now officially sick!!! -_-

2009-04-29T12:57:00.002+08:00

我要生病了!!! 昨天晚上, 喉咙觉得麻麻, 热热, 烧烧的, 带着小小的疼痛, 超级不舒服! 早上起来时, 头昏昏的, 眨眼睛时, 眼睛也觉得烧烧的... 或许是不够睡眠吧! 可能是压力的关系, 总觉得想吐. 刚刚读书还读到哭! 感到好害怕啊!!! 我好累啊!!!

i think i'm gonna fall sick soon.. last night, my throat felt sore with this numb and warm feeling... this morning, when i woke up, i was super giddy, and my eyes felt warm when i blink.. maybe its cos i dun haf enough sleep bahz... maybe its due to stress, i feel like puking.. i even cried juz now while studying... i feel very scared... i am very tired...

2009-04-22T21:31:00.001+08:00

exams commences tmr... ends 2nd may... wish me luck...

haven been sleeping for days and nights.. dunno y, but this exams de feeling are kind of different.. i feel more stressed, more worried and more scared than ever.. i juz wanna do well i gues.. cried countless time le.. so scared... haven been sleeping well.. slept damm little.. study a lot, but nothing goes in... tired...

2009-04-19T11:59:00.002+08:00

for past 2 nights, i've been sleepinh in my mum's room.. cos she on air-con mahz.. damm freaking hot la these few das!!! anyways! sleeping in my mum'm room has not only been good in having the air-con, i've also been having sweet dreams!!! and these dreams seem 2 continue night after night!!! it juz makes me wanna go back 2 sleep and not wake up! but well, dreams will most probably be an opposite of life.. so, no hope at all de la... but i haf 2 admit tat my dreams were quite ridiculous thou :P cos it 100% about things tat will never happen de... haha!!! night 1: dreamt of aw-dog and liljay and they were 'protecting' and 'covering up' 4 me... they were more like my brothers la... somehow, we walked from taiwan 2 singapore in juz.. a few steps? haha!! night 2: dreamt of lilhow like we were really close? like halo? haha!! its a weird dream but things in the dream was nice.. and really sweet... thou i oso tried 2 slap myself awake in the dream cos the me in the dream oso find things not possible 2 happen de la! but yea.. i woke up in the middle of the night, then went back 2 sleep and the dream CONTINUED!!! twice i woke up and twice the dream continued! lol.. but well, my sec school frens seem 2 appear in both dreams... yea.. and the bitch was there in my dream oso.. she ruined everything as usual... but i wan more of the sweet dreams!!! ^_^

*i sincerely hope tat the dreams i had will be true in practical life... please, even if juz 50% of it...*

2009-04-11T18:45:00.003+08:00

pls be more grown up.. if u can't, then 2 bad 4 u.. i'll save myself and wun recommend u anymore... i wun care if you're pity or wat.. cos you're never ever pity again 2 me BITCH! u've taken away wat had belonged 2 me.. now, its payback time...

2009-04-06T22:15:00.003+08:00

my whole arm is swollen -_- now, its wrapped up and i cannot do a lot a lot of things -_- its so damm totally stiff and straight now... i'm typing with my left hand -_- its swollen and the bone is like out of position like tat... think i swam 2 much plus i play with the kids 2 much liao..cos when you're in the pool, u dunno the energy that u used de... so maybe i juz use 2 much force without noeing it bahz.. haiz... tmr then put the picture here la.. haha!!! lazy 2 upload :P

omg, i missed u in class 2day man! wth la! better stop u from entry into my head le.. haha!! and the song u sang, the words u said is stuck in my head -_-

2009-04-05T22:15:00.005+08:00

i swim and i swim and i swim... i swam damm long 2day man!!! shiok sia!! thou it was rainning, the swimming continued.. cos can siwm in the rain de mahz! the water was so warm and shiok la.. then 2day, the coach went down 2 swim with the kids again.. (its a nice feeling 2 me 2 see the coach swim with the kids.. its juz, nice :) me, my mum, my aunt were laughing along with the coach.. cos he made fun of the kids mahz.. so cute la! haha!! the poor 4 year old boy dare not cry.. then the coach juz say, u wanna cry juz cry la, i'll juz sayang u de! he said tat with a smile 2 us thou.. haha!!! well, my cousins all swam well... after their lesson, i continue 2 teach them.. without the coach thou, dun wan him 2 see me teach.. later he think i'm snatching his rice-bowl :P haha!!!

你今天的每一个眼神都造成我的心跳加速, 但那感觉也让我的心感到非常甜, 感到非常高兴, 犹如小鹿乱撞.

2009-04-04T23:21:00.002+08:00

2day had a mj session at flora's place... TOTALLY ROCKS MAN!!! haven played MJ since CNY la.. hahaha!!! i wan more more more after exams!!! thanks flora 4 allowing us 2 create a 'din' at your place.. hahaha!!! but i think i seriously like your room man! and the dale rocks! hahaha!!! i won 10 buck, thou i wanted 2 treat them 2 dinner with it.. cos felt kind of bad la... but they said no! cos tat's mj.. well, okies then.. for the sake of more mj, i shall keep the 10 bucks.. haha!!!

after tat went 4 huai wen de b-day celebration at the Asian Civilisations Museum.. wow! cool man! he inivited 2 long rows of ppl.. the main dishes were alright, but the desserts totally rocks man! CHOCOLATE FONDU IS JUZ SO DAMM FREAKING NICE!!!! we took lots of spastics shots oso.. haha!!! but the shots are damm nice la.. the ACM haf a nice place 2 cam hore so bascially tat was wat we were doing all night.. play till damm hot la! haha!!! catch up with every1, tok, crap, laugh etc etc.. it was a very enjoyable evening ^_^ hope there is more 2 come ^_^

2009-04-02T15:29:00.002+08:00

i juz irritates me at the sight of u.. i dunno y.. but i'm trying 2 accept things as they come and go... but i beg u, stop taking ppl i treasure away from my side.. it hurts me... i was there 1st, then u came and took everything away.. now, i feel like i'm left with nothing.. haven u had enough already? u get the all the goods things tat i once had, and then? by calling yourself a fren, u left me with NOTHING! nothing at all... ouch...

maybe the idea of stereotyping should stop... but i juz dun like u...

2009-04-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

good frens are hard 2 come by... so damm rare... having had another round of 'punishment', i will treasure the 7 of u even even ever more... i'm really glad i got to know the 7 of u... u gals really make my life rocks!!! thanks loads man!!!! i hope we can be frens for the long long long long long future ^_^

2009-03-31T12:27:00.002+08:00

u knew how i felt.. then y muz u act so... soo.. sooo... 'close' in front of me? if you're trying to be LA no.2, then i'll say u haf succeed... esp in making me sad... next time, if you're gonna be like this, DUN ASK ME OUT WITH YOU!!!! really piss me off.. it makes me sad, then pissed! argh!

2009-03-27T22:13:00.004+08:00

8.53pm:
i'm finally home!!!
past few days haf been chionging OB like mad at Adi's place... din sleep like mad.. all of us are like dying liaoz... yesterday juz totally work over at adi's place la... the report haf been submitted 2day.. feeling of shiokness! haha!!!

i received a call from HSBC 2day.. well, they saw my resume on jobs central or dunno wat then they want me 2 work full-time! wow! everywhere else ppl are losing job but i'm being offered a job.. WOW! but i din accept la.. cos i still need 2 study, cannot work full time :(

i'm tired.. sleep time! past 5 days sleep like only... total of 5 hours? average out to 1 hour per day -_- haha!!!!

2009-03-27T13:26:00.002+08:00

in a few hours time, OB de group assignment will be over!!! tues do OB.. where and till wat time i 4got liao... wed, do OB at adi's house, went home at 4.30am... thurs, do OB AGAIN at adi's house, din go home at all -_- now, its 1.30pm.. every1 is so dead and tired.. think every1 is going 2 sleep like mad for 2night, and sleep sleep sleep for tmr... haha!!! damm tired.. i'll juz K.O. 2night lor.. haha!!! i seriously feel like puking... i wanna go home now!! bath, wash up, rest etc etc.. haiz.. TIRED ARH!!!

last night something happened, then caused me 2 be upset, hannah was damm pissed... i took it in my stride and swallowed eveything.. hannah was angry on my behalf... i'm glad 2 haf her as my fren, oways standing up for me de ^_^ i'm touched...

i noe every1 bad mood.. bear with it! it'll be over soon!!! :)

2009-03-26T00:46:00.001+08:00

now its almost 1am.. i'm still at adi's house doing OB.. OMG! die la!! haha!!! busy busy busy :(

2009-03-25T11:35:00.002+08:00

i'm tired.. OB is seriously a killer-sleep project la... thou its only 1 project, every1 seems not sleeping and doing OB like no tomorrow sia... dunno wat's the point oso la... results of the 1st individual assignment is out.. i dare not check :(

2009-03-21T22:55:00.004+08:00

2 of my cousins went 2 take their swimming test yester-evening... well, both of them did am EXTREMELY GREAT JOB! judos 2 them man! both of them swam fast and nice and accurate... thou my younger cousin sis need 2 haf reminder from her coach tat she has 2 glide in the water, not use force 2 push 4ward... i was there by the pool side all the way.. somehow, i feel more nervous than the 2 of them i guess. its juz different 2 stand in front of the pool 2 see them take the test.. yrs ago, i was the 1 in the pool taking the test... seeing them now? its juz a different feel.. haha!!!! but i was at the pool side 2 give them encouragement all the way as well... its a nice feeling 2 see so many kids swim at the same time, their coach by the side of the pool calming parents down, calming kids down, pushing the kids 2 swim better... 2 wat i noe, the kids coach is a nice coach... i see them train every sunday... even after the swim, he'll go ard toking 2 parents and kids... praising them.. well, i had a great night last night ^_^

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mr nice is a mr nice la... i was kind of happy 2 see mr nice again.... dunno but i think he's really a mr nice... i wanted 2 be there cos 1 of the reason was 2 see him... we never tok much, thou we oso tok much.. ok, wat am-i-toking-about!!!!??? but we did haf interaction... can't say much 4 now ^_^

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i hate it when we're 2gether.. the feeling of being thrown aside, being out-casted is simply very ouching 2 me.. i really hate it when i;m being treated as if i dun exist... its really suckish! it hurts me.. i'm sad, but i will never show it...

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me relatives came over for dinner 2night... my aunt and my cousin sis.. we celebrated the kids birthday... and one uncle la.. haha!! my dad, zi chao, min ru and ezzane's birthday was all in march... so.. TA DA!!! MICKY MOUSE CAKE! haha.. i reach home then rush out 2 go buy again -_- haha!!! can't wait 4 apr.. more relatives' b-day... mine, my mum, my aunt, my aunt-in-lae, my special kor kor, and dunno who else la.. but, its a lot.. haha!! ^_^ all these will be celebreated on my birthday! ^_^ can't wait!!!!

2009-03-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

2day, i left with a smile.. and i din even look back... somehow, for once, i wasn't sad 2 go... and i din even think abt anything there after... i was quite surprise tat i could still smile after.. after... after wat some1 said... after wat some1 did...

i guess this is call growing up...

i was able to let go...

as the night draws on... the thoughts are coming back.. more and more than ever.... more fierce than ever... i feel... alone... i'm sad, i'm scared... depression might juz become my pal AGAIN...

2009-03-18T03:28:00.002+08:00

2day went back to TP with meili... had lunch with paul. he look so much better now liao la.. cos he 2day dress up bahz... apperantly the ppl at SAA are all dressing up, cos some1 said so.. haha!! hmm, we went 2 library after lunch. meili did her stuffs while i catch up on my sleep... as we were about 2 leave school, or rather, when we were at the bus stop liao, terrence finally called and told us he is free! haha!! so we went back 2 meet him lor.. had a really good tok with him la... so much fun.. can really feel tat he missed us, and tat he's really happy 2 see us, and he really treat us like his frens, his daughter.. speaking of which, terrence is gonna be a daddy in 2 months time! haha!! congrats man! then he walked us all the way 2 the bus stop and we all parted there... me and meili were happy and touched tat we've known such good ppl in our life...

after tat met up with shu jie 2 walk ard CS a bit bit, then took 15 2 go meet shan... shu jie and me juz reach 2 early la -_- then we took 55 2 ECP there 2 celebrate aeng's de birthday.. since we were 2 early, the 3 of us decided to loop in bus 55 so tat we wun haf 2 cross the overhead bridge. plain lazy la.. haha!! then the bus stop at this place behind VS for a 5 mins break! haha!!! damm funny la.. the uncle is a damm funny guy and ask us whether he can take a break, and if we wanan stay in the bus or get down.. we decided 2 stay in the bus and cam-whore.. haha!! it was fun la.. then when they uncle came back, he said: ok! get ready! off we go! haha!!! damm funny la! then... for once, every1 was on time for our meeting. haha!! went 2 eat korean de BBQ @ ECP. NICE LA! but a bit the side dishes were kind of spicy. haha!! but really eat till full. aeng treated us... then after tta went coffee bean drink coffee. i wanted 2 drink cos i noe i'm gonna stay up late 2night 2 do my BC. so much more 2 be done :(
but it had been a really very fun night ^_^ i'm really a happy girl now! ^_^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AENG!!!

2009-03-16T23:51:00.002+08:00

i'm so happy!! cos me and nee nee cleared all our mis-understandings liao!!! 2day went out with nee, shan and shu jie 2 buy aeng's de prezzie... its nice! haha!! cannot say wat izzit yet la.. (aeng, if you're reading this, pretend u never see anythign at all :P) ya.. then went home with nee nee.. had a talk with her in the cab bout our past life in poly.. cleared all out mis-understandings... i'm damm happy cos the both of us feel so so so at ease now.. we even had a lot of laugh in the cab la.. like how 2 go torture some1 :P haha!!! but seriously, i'm really very happy!!! i love my all of u!!(wt, alesia, sj, shan, nee, aeng, boon ESP)(inclusive of SIM buddies hannah, cynthis, flora, sylvia, vivian, kai rong, adi, mizi) inclusive of meili, lay yian, xin yu etc etc all the i-guides peeps)(inclusive of so many of u la!!! ^_^) muacks!!!

2009-03-14T00:17:00.001+08:00

touched by many
thanks to many

learning, growing, maturing.

2009-03-13T23:36:00.003+08:00

ever wonder if a same thing from the past can happen a 2nd time in front of your eyes? the main objects change.. but the story line is excatly the same? its happening 2 me now.. so i'm now like... feeling...

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

last time, LA took JL away... now... a same thing is happening again... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

2009-03-13T23:01:00.003+08:00

after crying for 1 whole night and 1 whole morning, i haf a very very serious headache now :( pain till my eyes can't open...

i really hate matters of the heart... i juz dun wanna think wat is going on between us.. it hurts 2 even try 2 think of it... sometimes, things are juz.. so... hurting, ouching.... i'm too numb 2 crying now... but i'm NOT numb 2 the hurt yet...

2009-03-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

i noe i'm the 'object' that is being made fun of.. in case u dunno, i DO know wat you are toking abt.. and all these is hurting me a lot... there is a limit and line tat should be drawn... and juz 2 let u noe, u haf juz stepped over the line... i'm hurt, and crying...